I Shouldn't Feel This Way
by Sweetest.Sins6
Summary: Clary has been living with her mother and father her entire life knowing she has an older brother who's a successful lawyer who's married but shes never met or seen him, until she turned 16. Her brother Jace decides to call her out of the blue telling her who he is. She ends up moving in with him and his wife, But after 6 months can she bare the sexual tension? Warning Smut
1. Chapter 1

I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 1

Prologue

Whenever I tell People how old my parents are they usually end laughing, assuming that I'm joking or pulling their leg, and when I tell them I'm not, I get the following reaction

"Oh...okay..." and then an awkward silence. Everything Feels uncomfortable afterwards, like I have to explain how that happened.

My parents were really young when they had me. Most people would ask themselves 'What the hell were they doing having sex at that age'? What kind of households were they raised in? ' And well when you're a horny, hormonal teenager and not practising safe sex... pregnancy can happen. No matter what kind of upbringing you were raised in.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Valentine Morgenstern welcomed their first child into the world on August 1st 1997. They had a beatiful baby girl that had her mothers green, grass eyes and a full head of burgundy red hair. They named her Clarissa Adele Morgenstern, And that little girl...was me. But as I was growing up my parents my parents told me that I had a brother but always excluded him from my life his name was Jonathan Christopher Herondale. Jace for short. My parents never showed me pictures for some reason I saw him ooccasioanally just for the "hi", "hello", or even "how are you?". I grew up a good life until about 6 years ago my parents lost there jobs and my mother decided that drugs were her friend. My dad Valentine turned on me and my mother and started constantly drinking alcohol, basically he's an abusive drunk. Atleast to me... But anyway back to the wonderful family story of how I came to be. For the first 4 years of my life, I lived with my fathers grandparents. My father came from a very wealthy family and they were against the pregnancy from the moment they found out. They had offered my mother to get an abortion, but my grandparents from my mothers side were strict god fearing Catholics, and although they were incredibly disappointed in my mom, they weren't going to let her abort me. No matter how many added figures the Morgenstern family continuosly offered in checks.

The plan was to give me me up for adoption after I was born, but as soon as my grandma held me in her arms, she fell in love with me. My mom and dad signed their parental rights away, and I was raised by my grandparents until i reached my 4th birthday, I rarely ever saw my mom dad and brother. Mom and dad were to busy being rebelious teenagers, instead of taking responsabiltiy and properly taking care of me. But then there's my brother as soon as he turned 18 he moved out, dissappered into thin air. He didnt even leave a phone number or email address. My Granny always had to remind me that she wasn't my mommy, because I had gotten a habit of caling her momma all the time.

When my father turned 18 he separated himself from his family and decided to marry my mother. So obviously she accepted. My mom dad and I ended up moving into a Beatiful home, but when my mother and father lost there jobs we ended up moving into a shabby old apartment in New York because she wanted to persue her dreams in the art industry. My dad made her all these promises that he never ended up keeping. Mom wound up working in retail and dad managed to hold down a job as a mechanic at some garage near the rough side of manhatten. Life was depressing to say the least. I grew up having to take care of my four other half siblings, while mom and dad constantly fought over money, his drinking, his failed promises and his extreme forms of discipline. I didn't have a good relationship with my mother or dad to say the least. He pretty much treated me as if I didn't exist, and whenever I did get noticed under his radar, it was usually because he was pissed at me for not doing chores properly. He drilled it into my mind that I was a constant fuck up.

I knew nothing of my brother. All my life I was raised to believe that he didn't want to know me. It wasn't until two months ago that i discover the truth. My whole life all I ever knew about the rules of attraction went out the window.

** Chapter 1 **

** Clary**

It was a cold and rainy autum evening as I sat curled up on the living room sofa, wearing two sweat shirts because the radiator was broken and it was freezing, which made it difficult to concentrate on my school work. My siblings were oddly quiet because they were glued to the television, watching cartoons. I blew on my hands and rubbbed them together to warm up, before i picked up my pen to finish the rest of my math homework. That's when the telephone rang. I was expecting it to be my Grams because she usually called every Thursday evening to check up on me and see how I was doing, but it wasn't her. It was an unfamilar voice that belonged to a man on the other end of the line , and he was asking to speak with me. When I told him who I was, there was the longest pause before he answered

"Clary...It's your brother, Jace."

Needless to say, I was in shock. Throughtout all seventeen years of my life, I Grew up believing that my brother never wanted to know me, that he abandoned our family the first chance he got. It didn't help how my grandparents always trashed talked him and his family. I was in know way shape or form, prepared to have that conversation with him. So I did what any other angry teenage girl that would have done I hung up. My heart was racing a mile a minute. Five seconds later, he called back. Boy was this going to be a long day if he kept this up the way he did. After hours of him constantly calling and me not answering I finally answered the phone.

"Stop calling me! I dont want to talk to you or see you! I dont even know you!" With newfound courage I finally told him off before disconnecting again.

I literally couldn't study anymore. I couldn't eat. I couldn't do anything. I needed my mom i needed to interrogate her about what was going on and why my brother called me up and out of the blue, And I did exactly that as soon as she got her foot through the door . She ended up confessing that she felt it was my best interest to protect me from him and his crazy family.

I tried to retrace his number, but it was a blocked call. I kept praying he would call again, so that I could have a chance to hear his side of the story, but there were no more phone calls. I tried to 411 him, and look him up online, but I had no luck finding him, he didn't have a Facebook or Twitter, nothing.

It wasn't until a week later that my mother got served with court papers. Jace was taking her to court to get custody of me even though it didnt really matter because I just turned sixteen, two weeks ago. Valentine kept enncouraging my mom to dump me off with my brother, because it would be one less mouth to feed. But my mother was conflicted about it because she wanted to do what she felt was best for me. Regardless, my thoughts and my feelings were important to the judge who was going to make the final decision.

It was a gloomy monday afternoon on November 5th, 2012 when i came face to face with my brother inside New York City Family Court. I swear I didn't even recognize him. I thought he was the middle aged man with brown hair who was sitting next to the young rookie lawyer. They both stood up and looked at me when I walked inside. My father hardly gave me a glance, while his young lawyer just stared at me. He was dressed in a dark grey suit, probably armani, and he had blonde curly hair that looked freshly cut, a masculine jaw, with the most intense golden eyes I've ever seen. The lines and symmetry of his face was flawless and he was very tall, approxamitly 6'2. He was extremely handsome and could've passed for a model.

"Clary, I'm so sorry" the lawyer looked at me with tears in his eyes, and i couldn't understand why he was apolagizing to me.

"Jace, sit down. Remember what I advised earlier ? You'll get to talk to your sister in due time. I promise."

Oh. My. God. The man with the brown hair wasn't my brother. He was the lawyer representing Jace; the younger man with the golden eyes, How could I have not recognized him? Mom never kept photo's of him. It never occured to me that I've never seen a picture of him.

My estranged brother kept glancing over at me, while I kept blushing like an idiot. For some reason, I couldn't meet his eyes. The court proceeding was long and tiresome, as both lawyers kept negotiating back and forth, each defending their own client. It wasn't until I took the stand, When the judge asked me what I wanted. Personally, I wanted to tell her that I didn't feel safe at home. That my dad was always drunk and had a history of hitting me, but my mother made me swear not to say anything, and so I kept my promise. Throughout the entire month and prior coming to court, I was prepared to tell the judge that I didn't want to see my brother or live with him, but when I saw the way he was staring at me, with tears in his eyes... I changed my decision and had a complete change of heart. I told the judge that I always wanted to meet my brother and get to know him. I also expressed that I preferred both my mom and brother could share custody of me, and so it was ruled my brother had finally obtained joint custody. Jonathan Herondale was going to be in my life.


	2. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 2

I shouldnt Feel This Way Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Wow I wasnt expecting that much incouragement thanks guys! But here's chapter two **

**Gams2000 Jace is 24 and Jocelyn and Valentine are around there thirty's **

So There I was, walking out the courtroom, when I felt a firm warm hand grab my arm.

"Clary-," his voice was deep and husky and his touch made me shiver. I slowly turned around and looked into my brothers eye's. The intensity of his stare was intimidating me, but he softened his expression and I noticed a hint of a sad smile, before he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. My god, his cologne was intoxicating, and his body was so warm and muscular. I could tell he had an incredibly good physique hidden underneath his expensive clothing.

My heart rate slowed down as I held my breath and felt my eyes well up with tears. Why was this happening to me? Why was I getting so emotional? Maybe because all my life I felt so unloved and unwanted. Thrown away like a piece of trash, and now here I was, finally reunited with the man who abandoned me the first chance he got. All I could feel in that moment was heart break, because I knew I could never ever love this man as a brother.

He was a walking Adonis in life form, a God that was my brother, and when he enveloped is arms around me so tenderly, I knew that I would worship him forever. No matter how angry and hurt I was underneath. The faded trace's of Jace Herondale's name had been scarred on my heart ever since I was old enough to learn who he was. He held me so closely in his warm and loving embrace. It was right there in that still frame second that i felt my heart set ablaze, resurrecting my love for him like a phoenix from the flames.

"Clary, I'm so sorry I've missed out on so many years" he looked like he was trying to bottle up his most vulnerable emotions betraying him. Jace sounded genuinely hurt, and I couldn't say anything because I was frozen like a statue.

"We have to get going" my mother said bitterly.

I felt him slowely release me and hold my arms, while his eyes scanned me from head to toe. My face flushed in heat as I averted my eyes.

"God, you're so beautiful. You're Beautiful Clary" he reached for the side of my face and stroked my cheek in the most affectionate way that it almost made me want to cry again. "Let me take her out to eat Jocelyn."

"You can take her out to dinner on the weekend." my mother replied, as she took hold of my hand and pulled me towards her. She looked incredibly uncomfortable being around my brother probably because he wasn't actually my blood brother, has custody of me, and is a walking Sex God. If not God then Demi God for sure.

"Why don't you ask Clary before you decide for her." his tone sounded angry, but I could see he was trying to control it. Perhaps my brother was tempermental kind of guy. He did give off an intimadating vibe. Maybe because I thought he was beautiful beyond human comprehension. Like a fallen angel, you naturally shy away when his eyes cascaded over you. He seemed like a very masculine man, with testosterone levels that were much to high. But his eyes they were gorgeous his were the kind of eyes that held secrets. The kind that lied without flinching. The kind that once you looked into them. It was hard to break away.

"I'd like to go," it's like the words came out of my mouth before I even thought of a response, almost as if my body and soul already knew where they belonged in Jace Herondale's presence, by his side I was shocked by my newfound loyalty to him to say the least. This man could've spared me from having to go through so much pain, loneliness, and heartache, had he only made the effort to have fought for me sooner. I made a promise to myself to address these things to him at some point.

"Clary, your dad's expecting us back for dinner," mom glared at me.

"Who cares what he thinks she wants to spend time with her brother who she hasn's seen in 16 years." Jace replied with a stern sarcasmic voice.

Was this foreal? Did my brother just stick up for me? I felt my heart flutter and my stomach tighten in knots when he stood behind me and rested his hands on my shoulders. Heat was radiating from his body and sending shivers all down my spine.

"Her father wants her home for dinner so she'll be home for dinner you haven't seen her in 16 years so don't try to change things up."

"Well you moved away so how could I see her Jocelyn."

"Dont you dare try to blame this on me when you left the first chance you got."

I listened to them argue ack and forth. "Mom, please. We've had a long stressful afternoon. Please dont fight. I just want to catch up and ask him those questions you couldn't answer."

She gave me a worried look and then scowled at my brother.

"Don't Dictate to her Jace,"

"Like the way you dictated your bitch of a husband? Dont worry I wont."

I felt the loss of contact as he dropped is hands from my shoulders.

"No need for low blows." There was an icy undertone in her voice.

There was a long pause and then my mom finally broke the silence. "Have her home by nine o clock the latest and I mean it."

I suddenly felt so happy and nervous at the same time. You know that incredible rush you get when you get to spend time with your biggest crush? It feels amazing and agonizing all at once... thats how I was feeling.

"Back by nine, got it."

oOo

Jace whistled and waved at a taxi cab as a black and yellow Toyota pulled up to the curb near the front of the court house. He opened the back passenger door for me and let me in first.

"After you," Jace beamed at me all gentleman like, and then moved in next to me before slamming the door shut. "Take us to Per Se restaurant," he gave directions to the cab driver, while I was strapped on my seat belt. God was I nervous. Silently, I prayed that he wouldn't hear my heart hammering in my chest. Jace leaned back into is seat, took a deep breath and turned his head to look at me. It was a little unnerving because I suddenly felt insecure about my physical apperance.

"You're more beautiful than I imagined," he brushed back a dark strand of my silky hair behind my ear, and I shivered in reaction. "Look at me," his tone was gentle and pleading at the same time. I turned my head and met his gaze with caution. Those penetrating Gold eyes were killing me. He look suprisingly tan considering the fact that it was almost winter. " Wow...your eyes are really green," Jace smiled warmly

"Your's are better," I mumbled

"But your's are alluring."

No one had ever complimented me like that before. I'm sure he must've noticed the rosy pink blush that had spread across my cheeks. Growing up, I always felt like a tom boy. But all that changed once I hit puberty. I wanted to paint my nails, style my hair, wear makeup, dress up in girly things and once my boobs got big enough, I was defenitily attracting attention to myself at school. If there's one thing I prided myself on, it was my body. I really took care of it because I was extremely athletic.

Sitting in that cab next to..._my brother,_ made me feel interior to his beauty, he was to handsome for words. Like an immortal being that never aged and remained eternally youthful. His face was clean shaven and he had a very attractive jaw line. His eyesbrows were dark blonde and symmetrically arched. I tried not to stare too long as my eyes wandered down to his hands. They looked big and strong and very clean, unlike Valentine's nasty finger nails and laboured, calloused hands.

I noticed a platinum wedding band on Jace's left finger. "Your Married?"

"Yes, I got married two years ago. My wife's name is Kaelie. I'd love for you to meet her when you visit us in California."

I was silent and suddenly uncomfortable.

"Forgive me, if you decide to visit. I would never force you to do anything you're not ready to do Clary, you have my word on that."

Why did I feel like crying? Of course he'd be married. Who wouldn't want to marry this man? He was successful, probably rich since he was a lawyer, and unbelivably attractive. "Do you have any kids?"

"Unfortunately no, but were trying. Hopefully soon," he replied with a smile

The idea of having Niece's and Nephew's made me sick to my stomach. Secretly, I didn't want any niece's and nephew's. But in truth my subconscious was hiding a much darker secret... I didn't want my brother making babies with anyone, _Period_.

"I know everything must feel overwhelming for you at the moment, but I promise not to rush things. I just want to spend the evening catching up at your pace."

I said nothing as I fixed my eyes on my hands and fidgeted with the zipper on my faux leather handbag.

"Do you like _Gucci? Prada?"_

"Yeah...what girl doesn't I laughed nervously. Although I had never owned anything from those famous designer brands, I was sure as hell familiar with the names.

"Great, I'll take you out shopping on Saturday and we can buy you a new handbag," his lips curved up into a half smile and I just melted.

I was trying to force my brain into accepting the fact that my brother was offering to take me out and spoil me, but I just couldn't tell if I was in a nightmare or a dream. A nightmare because I understood the fact I wasn't supposed to feel this way about my brother, and yet I still did, and a dream because he appeared to possess one of the greatest qualities I always wanted in a brother, spoiling and protecting his sister.


	3. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 3

**I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 3**

**Authors Note: Heey guys so i've been getting alot of good reviews and stuff but some people are kinda confused but just to let you guys know in the story Jocelyn and Valentine and Clarys real parents and in the story Jace had a troubled childhood so he was a runaway and Clary's parents promised they would hide him from everybody because thats what he wanted. But if clary thinks there blood related and all but there not only Jace Valentine and Jocelyn no the truth and actually what happened with Jace. Jace's parents were killed but his parents are stephen and celine herondale. I hoped that kinda helped you guys understand the story better but if you guys are still confused you can always comment about it and I'll explain but other than that here's chapter 3 (:**

Jace pulled out my chair as I sat down across from him and scanned my surroundings in awe and curiousity. The restaurant he took me to was definitely upscale and magnificentley mordern. I was thankful that I wore a formal black dress to court. Most of the ladies around me had on fashionable cocktail dresses and heels, very semi-formal to say the least. No one was dressed casually. I personally loved wearing heels and I rarely left the house without a pair of black pumps, unless I was going to the gym, then the sneakers would go on! But on that particular day, I had sensibly matched my formal ensemble with a pair of heels.

There was soft chill-out music playing in the backround and the variety of delicious aromas that wafted in the air from the chef's kitchen really teased my appetite. I felt to shy to say anything so I tried to focus on the dancing flames of the small white candle that was placed in the center of our table. This didn't help because I could still feel Jace's eyes on me. I was relieved when our server came by to hand us are menu's.

"What shall you be drinking tonight sir?"

He seemed to know exactly what he wanted, because he didn't even glance at the menu to look at the beverages. Maybe he'd been here befire perhaps with a date? Jace ordered a spanish red wine and even let me drink a glass, which I thought was totally cool of him. Mom didn't like the idea of me going to parties and drinking, even though her husband was a damn alcoholic. _Mega sigh._

"So tell me about yourself Clary."

I watched him drink his wine while he gave me his undivided attention. My face was heating up. The way he was staring at me was..._doing things inside me._

"Umm...well, I'm in my senior year of high school."

"Thats great how are your studies going?" he folded his hands over the table and look directly at me. Those gold eyes pierced right through me and made me feel exposed.

"Good I dont have any problems in the world of academia, Jace."

"You know your birthday is the day right before mine, Did you know that Clary?" he smiled warmly at me.

I shook my head, this was news to me.

"I'm 24 years old now. I'm getting old," he chuckled a bit and I couldn't help but smile because I loved the way he laughed, even though it was short and light. He was far from old. Jace seriously could have passed for a 20 year old.

"Your really young." I blushed and felt embarrassed that he was having this effect on me. Our server came by the table again to take our orders, distracting my dad long enough for the crimison color that had spread across my cheeks to fade.

Jace ordered some oysters for appetizers and then looked down the menu quickly before deciding what he wasnted to eat for the main course. "_I'll have the Butter Poached Nova Scotia Lobster." _

"Excellent choice sir."

"What would you like to eat, sweetheart?" My brother asked me.

I couldn't think. I was freaking out in my mind because my brain was trying to register the fact that he called me _sweetheart!_ "Umm.." I sounded way to nervous as I desperately scanned the enterees section of the menu. Everything sounded so fancy and I had never tasted any of the dishes before.

"Do you like pasta? Steak? Fish?" my brother was clearly trying to help me out. Oh god, I bet I looked so stupid.

"I'll have the _Primavera." _I replied, quickly deciding on a pasta dish and praying that I pronounced it correctly. It was fettuccini mixed with Portobello mushrooms, broccoli, black olives and sun dried tomatoes in a basil pesto cream sause. It sounded appetizing to eat.

"It is truly one of our best pasta's. I'll be back shortly with your appetizers," our friendly waiter smiled politely at us, while he collected our menu's and left the table.

I felt Jace's eyes's on me again, and i started to rub the side of my arm out of habit because I was ridiciously nervous.

"Are you cold?"

"What? Oh, no I'm fine," I removed my hand away from my left arm and grabbed my wine glass to take a sip, praying that the alcohol would make my nerves less jittery. "So, why did it take you this long to acknowledge my existence?" I watched him anxiously as he gazed back at me, searching my eyes for the longest while before he answered.

"I can't forgive myself for not being involved in your life. I was young and stupid and only cared about myself at the time I needed to get my shit together," he paused "Sorry I shouldn't curse around you. It's a bad habit," Jace smiled apologetically.

"I don't mind. I'm used to it. Dad cusses me out twenty-four seven."

He looked incredibly outraged by that little tidbit of information. "That Pri-"

I assume he was going to say _prick, _but stopped himself just in time.

"That _jerk_ shouldn't speak to you like that. I'll have a word with Jocelyn."

I wonder why he never called her mom? But i just decided to shrug it of and folded my hands in my lap.

Our server came by with our appetizers and placed a plate full of oysters down in the middle of the table and refilled our wine glasses. "Enjoy."

"Thank you," my brother replied pleasently, but as soon as our server left, he frowned at me. I watched him shut his eyes for a second, releasing an exasperated sigh from his lips before opening them once more and staring at me "Clary, I'm not proud of myself for just abandoning my sibling in that shit hole of a home, I needed to get my life back on track before I could attempt to enter you life again and try to repair our relationship after I got out of high school I went to college and then graduated law school, and secured a great job at a firm, Then I met my wife shortly after on the job. She was a temp there." He cleared his throat.

Jeez I wondered how many times he bent her over on his desk and banged her brains out before he popped the question. Ugh, I didn't want to think about it.

"There's always been this emptiness in my life no matter what or how much I achieved. Nothing filled that void for me. I knew I needed to get in touch with you and I know you may find this hard to believe, but I do love you, very mucb," he pulled out his wallet and opened it infront of me. "I've had this picture of you forever."

There was a lump in my throat as my eyes filled with tears. I tried to blink them away as fast as I could so they wouldn't spill down my cheeks.

You were only 13 years old here. Please forgive my absence in your life."

I don't know how I feel. I could tell her was being genuinely honest, but I just didn't know what to say. He slid his hand across the table and reached for mine. I felt a spark of electricity jolt through my body upon contact and wondered if he felt it too.

"I want you to spend time with me and get to know me better. I want to earn your trust and be the brother you always deserved. Come to California with me for the rest of the year Clary. I promise you that i'll be your need for anything."

How could I say no to those eyes? He was undeniably charming by nature. There was a huge part of me that wanted to escape my shit hole of a life, and escape Valentine and my annoying siblings, including my overbearing mother who never protected me from her abusive husband. I wonder how my dad would react to the truth.

"I can get you enrolled in the best school in state, and the weather's warm all year round. I know it's going to be impossible if I ask Jocelyn, but if it's something you'd like, i'm sure you could convince her."

And there it was the decision that would change my entire life and outlook on love and sex forever. "Okay, I'll come," it took me long enough to respond, but I eventually did. "I'd like that. I think a change of scenery would be good for me."

"Really? Oh, Clary," his face lit up. "I can't tell you how happy that makes me."

My heart fluttered in my chest and I suddenly realized that I enjoyed making him happy.

"Try one of these," he smiled charismatically at me, while pointing at out plate of appetizers.

It was my first time eating oysters and much to my suprise. I actually liked it the rest of our dinner conversation was pleasant and the food was impeccibely delicious. I had more questions for him, but for some reason, they didn't matter at that moment. I just wanted to hear about everything that he was interested in, places he had been, people he had met. It turned out that he was very athletic as well, and had a strict gym regimen five days a week. He was into all mainstream music genre's that I was into, while I thought was totally aweosme and he even admitted that he had a couple tattoo's. We spent two and a half hours just chatting away, laughing and enjoying each others company while we indulged in our meal, and within that time frame, I discovered so much about him. It just made me fall for him even more.

oOo

Jace ordered a delicious New York cheesecake for dessert, which we shared between each other. God he even looked hot when he ate. Time seemed to go by so fast, and before I knew it, our dessert plates were cleared.

"Are you all set to go? I should get you home soon before Jocelyn flips out," he glanced at his watch real quick. It was a _Rolex._ Man this guy must be stupid rich.

I nodded and he paid the bill, tipping our server generously before we left the resturant. My brother was indeed very rich. He put on his long black trent coat and helped me get into my jacket as we left the resturant and stepped out on the sidewalk. The sun had finally set and I was totally caught off guard when he took my hand into his. I think he noticed me flinch.

"It's dark and we're down town. I don't want to let you out of my sight."

_Oh believe me, I don't want you to let me out of your sight. _We got into another cab and were soon headed back to mom and dad's place. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until the car started moving.

"Are you asleep baby?"

_Oh my god, he called me baby. _This , this was totally new territory for me. It made me smile. "Grandad used to drive me around the neighborhood when I had trouble sleeping. He said I'd go out like a light within five minutes of driving around the block. I tend to get really sleepy in moving vehicles from time to time. I just didn't sleep well last night."

"I bet it was because of today wasn't it?"

I nodded feeling shy all of a sudden.

Jace shifted towards me, his intoxicating cologne permeating the air while he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "You can rest on my chest. I'll wake you up when we arrive at your place."

I didn't know how to recieve his affections, but there was a part of me that so badly needed it, because was starved and deprived for a long time. His eyes were so warm and inviting, as I gently settled my body against him, resting my head on his chest. _His cologne_... gosh I needed to figure out what he had on so that I could buy a replica of it. Or maybe I could ask him to give me one of his shirts and secretly spray his cologne all over it... but how would I manage that? It's not like he was going to take me back to his hotel. _But, _there is the rest of the week...

"Thank you." I murmured

"Thank you for allowing me back into your life, princess," he wispered softly in my ear.

_Princess? _I always felt the slightest twinge of jealousy whenever I saw my girlfriends with their loving and doting brothers. Hearing Jace speak so sweetly to me made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like he was melting my iced up barriers, and knocking down my titanium walls around me with little effort.

oOo

The drive home took about fifteen minutes and I felt uncomfortable when he insisted to walk me to my apartment door. The place we lived in wasn't exactly the best or the most clean apartment building.

"I can't believe you live here," Jace said out loud.

I felt embarassed and on the verge of tears when he took the elevator up to my floor. It was evident that he wasn't hiding his distaste at the sight of the abomination of my current place of residence. He noticed my reaction and frowned.

"Clary, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offedned you I just thought Jocelyn's husband would've done a better job at taking care of you guys."

"It's fine," I steeled myself and plastered on a poker face. " I know what you meant. I don't exactly like living here either, but it's close to his job and that saves money on gas."

I could feel his eyes studying me, almost as if he was expecting me to cry, but I refused to show such a vulnerable display of emotion. It would've felt to awkward. We were just standing only inches away from each other and the air semed to shift between us as we waited in _silence_. The elevator stopped with a _ding_ when we finally reached the 12th floor. I was first to walk out and Jace followed, catching up beside me.

It took a short stroll down the purple carpeted hallway for us to reach my apartment door. I stopped and pulled out my keys from my hand bag. My heart was beating like a drum. I never felt like this before, even when I went out on dates with the hottest guys from school. Seeing my brother had forever ruined me, because no one else could ever compare to his perfection. How could they? He was clearly the hottest man alive.

"Well this is me," I glanced at him, Showing a hint of an appreciative smile.

"You have my number Clary. You can call me anytime, seriously. If you're ever in an emergency, or you need to see me. I will fly down on the next avaliable fligth," he looked at me so lovingly and cupped my face, pressing his lips to my forehead. I felt a little light headed when he pulled back.

"Thank You."

"Don't thank me. Its my duty as your brother," he stared so intensly into my eyes that it made me tramble. There was something about him that was pulling me towards him like a magnet. I was finding it difficult to resist that compelling attraction

I wanted to kiss his cheek but for some reason when I leaned in, my lips caught the corner of his mouth and it was to late to pull back. I was worried at first, because my lips brushed against the edge of his, but just barely. He didn't move and I was positive I heard him breathe out in the most erotic way maybe it was all in my head_ most likely_. I felt Jace wrap his arms around my waist and pull me into his body, hugging me longer this time, and I enjoyed every second of it.

"_I love you, my sweet angel."_

My heart swelled with so much emotion as my arms found their way around his neck, hugging him back and taking comfort in the physical exchange between us. I took a moment to just breathe him in, so that the scent of his cologne would linger in my nose for as long as possible before my dad's disgusting cigarette smoke would quickly assault my sense of smell.

"God, I dont want to let you go."

_Please don't._ I silently pleaded.

"But I have to," he reluctantly let go of me and my heart sank because I didn't want to go inside and say goodbye.

"Good night Jace."

"Good night, babygirl," he smiled gently and slowly backed away form the door, watching me slip inside. That night was one of the best nights of my life.

"Took you long enough!" Valentine glared at me with hateful eyes. He was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, smoking a cigarette with a bottle of beer in his hand

"There was traffic," I lied and quickly walked past them, escaping to my room to lock my door before he had an appertunity to yell at me. The man always smelled like booze.

_"Clary Clary!" _Mom called after me, but I didn't want either of them to ruin my evening. So i grabbed my ipod and played _The Raveonettes- Curse The Night _on full blast before I slumped down on my bed and replayed the way my brother hugged me over and over in my head.

oOo

Jace had just gotten out of the shower inside his penthouse suite at _The Royal Majestic Hotel. _His six figure salary could definitly afford it. He wrapped a white towel around his V shaped waist and dried off his chest and arms with another towel. A cloud of steam had thickened the air as he stepped towards the bathroom mirror and wiped it. Jace was in the best shape of his life. He had a nice pack of washboard abs that looked photo shopped on him, except they weren't because he had worked long and hard to chisel his body into perfection. His wifey definitly appreciated it. Jace's chest was smooth with no traces of hair, and there was a tattoo on the left side of his pectoral muscle. It was a tattoo of a black dragon coiled around a bleeding human heart. Clary's name was tattoed inside it. He had gotten that tattoo when he was away in college, and it definitly held a very special meaning for him. A smile touched his lips as he lightly brushed his fingers over it.

He changed into a pair of black boxer briefs and black silk pajama bottoms before tossing his body onto his king sized mattress. Jace stretched and folded his hands behind his head. He fixed his eyes on the ceiling and started flashing back to the past four hours of his day, seeing Clary for the first time. She had grown up to be such a beautiful yound lady, and he wasn't able to keep his eyes off of her all evening during dinner. He was definitly proud for her being so strong, intellegent, compassionate, and forgiving. Jace thanked his lucky stars that she didn't get mixed up with drugs like the way he did.

She was a slender, little thing. With full sensuous lips and big green eyes. He absoulotely adored her thick auburn hair that she had worn down that evening reaching her past her elbows. She had Jocelyn's beatiful hands and a well-endowed chest and derriere, Clary was quite short she stood five foot two incomparison to her five foot five mother. Jocelynand Valentine definitly created a stunningly, gorgeous daughter.

He smiled to himself, feeling so blessed to have her back in his life, and as he entertained all the places he was going to take her when she came to visit, Jace slowly drifted off to sleep

** oOo**

"Oh fuck baby that feels so good."

Loud feral moans and laboured sounds of breathing filled the room as a blonde haired woman, was straddling Jace back and forth, quickening her pace.

_"Mmmmmm yeah, your dick is so fucking big in my pussy."_

_"_Fuck, Kaelie," he grabbed her hips and flipped her over on her back, pressing his cock right against her clit as he shifted his weight above her.

"_Yeah baby, give it to me," _She rubbed her fake silicone breasts and then grabbed a fist full of his ass cheeks, pulling him forward until his cock was submerged deep inside of her. His wife let out a loud breathy moan as he began to penetrate her.

Jace buried his face in the crook of her neck and breathed loudly as he pumped her pussy in and out. Something strange started happening amidst their steamy love making. "_Fuck..._you're getting tighter. How the hell are you doing that?" he penetrated her faster as the walls inside her cunt squeezed and contracted around his shaft. It felt like he was taking her virginity.

"Oh god...Kaelie...fuck i'm going to cum!" He groaned and lifted his head up to look into his wife's eyes, but what he saw completely left him horrified... because it wasn't Kaelie's blue eyes staring back at him. It was a pair of green eyes that belonged to someone else. Long curly auburn was sprawled out on the pillow around her face. She dragged her fingernails down his back and moaned.

"Clary..." he breathed out while his cock exploded inside her as soon as he said her name.

Jace's eyes suddenly snapped wide open while he gasped for air. He had a painful erection that was achingly constricted inside his boxer briefs. His breathing was heavy and had broken a sweat. There was no explanation as to why his sister showed up in his sex dream like that. It was a nightmare for him. Little did he know that his subconcious mind was trying to send him a _message._

Desperate to find some sort of release, Jace tugged downn his boxers and pulled out his nine and a half inch dick. He quickly started jerking off, and tried to focus on the images of his naked wife riding him, and not the naked body and angelic face of his sister that flickered through his mind every ten seconds. He stroked his cock so fast that that his arm was getting sore, but it was definitly worth the release. Jace shot a big load into some tissues before he washed up, and settled back into bed. He was indeed a very sexual man. He loved sex and preferred to get laid every single day. Jace was a kind of guy that loved to dominate his women in bed, and although he was married, he had been with his fair share of women before he decided to settle down. Needless to say, he was a very experienced lover. But nothing had ever disturbed him so mcuch as the images of his sister appearing before him while he was making love to his wife.

Jace reached over to the bottle of water resting on his night stand and gulped down a few sips, before he reclined back onto his mattress and closed his eyes. He tried to convince himself that it was an accidental mix up, that Clary appeared in his dream because he was thinking about her before going to sleep. It couldn't have been any further from the truth.


	4. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 4

I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 4

**Authors note: Thanks for all the reviews guys I really appreciate it but I do not own the TMI characters but anyway here's chapter 4 **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Clary**

I couldn't wait for friday to come any sooner. My brother had been taking care of some business in the city while he was so was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to spend time with him before he flew back to LA

I really didn't know how I was going to survive through the week, but I was just to nervous to reach out and call him first. When I was at school, I found it hard to pay attention because my mind was so occupied with him... and whenever I was at home, I would either lie in bed all evening or skip dinner and just listen to my music while trying _not _to think about him.

oOo

It was wensday evening, and I was sitting at the dinner table eating with my family when my cellphone suddenly vibrated. I placed my fork down and pulled out my IPhone thinking it was probably my best friend Allison texting me. But when I read the text, I desperatly wanted to excuse myself from the table.

_Text messgae From Jace via IPhone:_

**Hey baby girl, how are you doing tonight? I miss you.**

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and looked at my mom. "May I be excused please? I'm not so hungry anymore."

"Your ma slaved away in the kitchen all evening. You're going to sit your ass down and finish your food." Valentine scowled at me with his beady brown eyes, burping disgustingly loud.

"Valentine, you promised you'd stop cursing so much."

"She's being disrespectful Jocelyn. She should know not to waste so much food."

I rolled my eyes and stuffed my mouth with the remaining mashed patatoes and steamed vegtables that were left on my plate, all in five hasty bites.

"Done, thanks for dinner mom," I gathered my plate and utensils then speed walked to the kithen to place them in the sink before I ran to my room, ignoring Valentine's nonstop complaining. He always had a problem with me. It was getting old.

I turned on my iPod and dropped my weight on my bed, lying on my stomach with my feet slowly swinging in the air as I texted my brother back as fast as I could.

_Text message from Clary via iPhone:_

_**Heey Jace, I'm okay. How r u doing 2nite?**_

I waited about 20 seconds, and then my phone vibrated again. I was smiling like an idiot, as if my biggest crush was spontaneously texting me.

_Text message from Jace via iPhone:_

**Just okay? What can I do to make you feel GREAT? And I'm doing fantastic since the world's most beautiful sister texted me back :)**

Even through text he made me blush. I wanted to tell him that Rob and mom were annoying me and getting on my case alot, but decided against it. He already gave me the vibe that he was a very protective man. I didn't want to cause trouble for my mom, especially if I was going to attempt to convince her to go let me live with Jace. So I lied instead.

_Text message from Clary via iPhone: _

_**Just got into a dumb fight school with sum friends. They're not talking 2 me now.**_

_Text message from Jace via iPhone:_

**Whose ass do I need to kick?**

I Couldn't help but giggle.

_Text message from Clary via iPhone:_

_**It's just 2 of my gf's and u cant kick their asses :P**_

_Text message from Jace via iPhone:_

**I'm here for you if you need advice or to vent.**

I took a deep breath and felt a little guilty for lying to him.

_Text message from Clary via iPhone:_

_**Thanks. I'll be ok though.**_

_Text message from Jace via iPhone:_

**I love you angel.**

I took a moment to re-read his last text over and over, feeling this surge of happiness before I texted him back.

_Text message from Clary via iPhone:_

_**xoxox :)**_

I assumed he got busy, so I didn't want to disturb him. My mom eventually came in my room _without knocking_ as usual and nagged me to come wash the dishes. _Ugh. _It seriously sucked being a house slave.

oOo

"You are seriously so lucky, Clary. If I were you, I'd be guilt tripping him until he handed over the credit cards."

I laughed as I walked out of the double doors of my high school alongside my best friend Allison and Jade. I went to a public school, so uniforms weren't mandatory. "I'm still getting to know him, Jade."

"Hey, I'm just saying that he's got 16 years of making up to do."

We walked off the school premesis and stood on the side walk waiting for Allison to light up her cigarette. I didn't smoke, but my friends did.

"So the usual place ladies?"

I looked at Ally and nodded. All three of us refused to eat the fried crap our school's cafeteria ladies had to offer the student body, so we usually went went to _subway _for lunch. I stood in the middle of my friends as we started walking, when we heard loud music vibrating the entire street. Jade stopped and turned around.  
"Damn _definitly _nice wheels. Look at that car approaching, probably some rich kid _driving daddy's wheels."_

I paused and noticed a black BMW pull up to the curb next to us. The windows were tinted so we couldn't see who was inside. All I heard was loud dubstep playing from the car stereo. The mystery driver turned down the music and we watched in curiosity as the passanger side window slowly slid down. My jaw dropped when I saw who was sitting in the driver's seat. "_Jace..."_

My girlfriends looked at me and then leaned down to get a better loo at my brother.

"Are you Clary's brother?" Allison asked as she quickly put out her cigarette.

He killed the enigine and got out of the car, walking around it so that he was standing on the sidewalk with us. "Yes I am, Jace Herondale" he extended his right hand and shook both Jade and Allison's hand. "Pleased to meet you."

I was to shell shocked to even introduce them properly, but my friends were more than capable of introducing themselves. Jade and Ally evidently had stars in their eyes as they swooned over my brother. I seriously needed to snap out of it. "What are you doing here?" I asked him, adjusting my school bag over my shoulder.

"Well, after what you told me last night, I thought I'd pick you up for lunch and cheer you up, but I guess you three already made up?"

Ally arched her eyebrow at me, looking confused

_Uh...yeah we did," _I replied.

_"We did?"_ Jade smirked at me. She was giving me a hard time on purpose.

"We were just going to subway, but I think Clary's getting sick of the routine."

"Then I guess I came at the right time. Let me take you out for lunch. You girls can come along too if you like."

Allison leaped at the opportunity. "We'd love to"

"Actually you should spend time with your sister," Jade cut in "But thanks."

He smiled at me and I was still having difficulty finding the words to say yes, so Jade gently pushed me forward. "She's all yours Jace. We'll see you back in history class, Clary."

"Nice meeting you ladies," Jace opened my passenger door and I waved goodbye to my friends before he got in next to me. The car engine roared back to life and we had only just puled onto the street when my cell phone vibrated.

_Text Message from Allison via Blackberry:_

_**Ummm wtf!? U didn't tell us ur brother is a hawty! Hes an absoulute BILF!**_

My face flushed in heat. I didn't bother to text her back because I was embarrassed and worried that he saw the text when he glanced over at me.

"Everything okay?"

"Mhm," I bluckled my seatbelt and folded my hands in my lap. The car smelled brand new.

"I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced."

"It's okay, I don't mind really." Of course I didn't mind, I was totally stoked! He looked just as sexy as the day I met him.

"Technically your mom doesn't know..." Jace sounded a little uneasy, and it took me long enough to clue in. _God, _I was such a blonde sometimes.

"Oh don't worry about her. I won't say anything."

"Thanks Princess" he switched the gearshift and we turned down a main intersection. I made sure to stare out the window throughout the entire car ride, because it was too tempting to gaze at him. He was just too perfect and just as sexy if not _more_ from his side profile. I hadn't seen him in any casual attire yet. He was wearing a black trench coat, black tailored trousers, and I was sure he had on some sort of dress shirt underneath the coat. Though I wasn't too certain what color. I had on a pair of baby blue skinny jeans, a white shirt and a purple cardigan underneath my black leather jacket. I was also fashioning some killer black wege ankle boots. Jade said that I looked hot when she saw me in the morning. I didn't usually wear my hair up. Although I had alot of hair, It took me _forever _managing it. Chopping it off was out of the question. So I made sure to wake up an hour earlier in the morning to shower, blow dry, and straighten my locks.

oOo

Jace ended up taking me to a nice little Italian bistro not too far into town. We shared a stone baked pepperoni and veggie pizza, and he made me augh the majority of the time. He had a wicked sense of humor.

"I love your laugh, Clary. Especially your smile."

"Well, then I guess that means you need to work extra hard to keep me laughing _and _smiling!"

"It doesn't seem to hard of a task," his eyes were seductive as hell. I watched him snap off the stem of a white rose from the vase in the middle of our table, and then he carefully tucked the flower behind my ear. I couldn't help but giggle.

"See, what did I say? Piece of cake," his voice, his dimpled smile, his eyes, everything about him was so heartbreakingly beautiful. My brother was devastatilingly handsome and charming to a fault. He probably knew this since he had a bit of a cocky attitude about him. But it was so sexy. "What time do you need to be back at school?"

I glanced at my phone. It was almost one in the afternoon. "I still have half an hour to kill."

"Do you want to go for a walk down central park?"

I smiled and nodded as he got our server to bring us the bill.

oOo

It was sunny for once, _suprisingly._ All last week we had nothing but Novermber rain, but the weather was more than agreeable on this particular day. We started walking along side each other down a concrete pathway. Almost all the tresss were bare because the leaves had fallen because the leaves had fallen to the ground, but there were a couple trees here and there that still had a cluster of yellow and red leaves hanging from the branches.

"Wear this," Jace unravelled his black scarf from his neck and wrapped it around mine. " I don't want you getting sick. There's still a bit of a chill in the air."

"Thanks," his gesture made me feel so warm, and I was in heaven because his cologne had infused the cotton fabric of the scarf. He reall had no idea what this was doing to me.  
"Don't mention it."

I almost secretly hoped he would forget about his scarf and let me keep it.

"I bet you miss the warm weather," I decided to strike up a conversation.

"Yeah, I do. but it's not as bad over here. Some states are getting hit with snow storms already."

The heel of my boots clicked against the pavement as we continued to walk at a slowed pace. There were a couple runners and bikers passing us every now and then.

"Do you ay any sports Clary?"

"I was always flexible as a kid. Mom put me in gymnastics all through middle school, and then I stopped because we couldn't afford the classes anymore. I really love volley ball and I'm good at it. I also love to dance."

"I can put you in any extra circular activity you like when you come live with me."

I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Valentine had a lot of money when mom married him. I remember him gambling away 100,000 dollars worth of cash when I was little. They still argue about it."

He said nothing for a while and I could sense that something was putting him off. Jace looked at me and frowned.

"Clary I need to tell you something."

I stopped walking and faced him.

"That night when I came up with you to your apartment... I was shocked that you were living there because when I got out of college I was being offered jobs at diffrent firms so I took one as was going to move out but Jocelyn and Valentine wouldn't let me so I took the job worked my ass off offered them a hundred thousand dollar check in exchange for me to move out. So when you showed me where you lived, I had expected it to be a better place of residence I thought Jocelyn would be sensible enough to invest in a house or an apartment in a better neighborhood."

"Oh..." it was all I could manage to say. I looked away and tried not to focus on the anger that as bubbling up inside me. Now It all made sense the money didn't belong to Valentine it was my mothers well technically Jace's. Mom foolishly gave that money to my dad and he lost it all through a poker competition at a casino years ago.

"You didn't know this did you?"

I shook my head and heard him curse under his breath. "It's okay, Jace. At least now I know the truth. I just wish mom never married that asshole."

He tilted his head to the side and look at me inquisitively

"Sorry, I curse too," I replied with a guilty smile.

"Come here," Jace chuckled and pulled me into his arms. I exhaled deeply and wrapped ky arms around him, taking comfort in the warmth of his body.

"He doesn't hurt you does he?" he puled back and held my face. His hands were covered by black leather gloves.

"What are you implying when you say _hurt?_"

I watched his expression turn from worry to terror. "_Jeezuz Clary..._Why didn't you tell me before I dropped you off at your place!?" he looked genuinely upset and bordering on rage, though I couldn't understand why. "I'm going to kill that mother fucker for touching you."

"Wait, what? No, it's not like that Jace, calm down."

He took a deep breath and looked at me. "Clary, just tell me straight up. Does that fucker abuse you?" his eyes were intimidating me. The golden yellow in his iris had completely frosted over and I was paralized in place.

"He...he's hit me a few times. But that's it."

"I swear to God I'm going to kill him, and don't worry about jail time. I'm a lawyer, Which means I'm an excellent liar." he paced around in frustration. I was seeing a totally diffrent side of him. It was intense, somewhat scary, and made me fel so unbelievably loved at the same time. "Why didn't you mention this in court!? I could have gotten full custody of you!" Jace was shouting and it made me jump. I tried to control my trembling lip as I fought my hardest to hold back my hurt.

"Like I said, he's only hit me a few times. Mom keeps him under control."

"_Keeps him under control?_ Is he some rabid dog living with you guys? Clary, your _my _sister! No one is allowed to lay a hand on you! Do you understand that? Do you understand how this makes me feel as your brother?"

There were a couple of pedestrians walking by as they stared at us. Probably because they found it hard to believe that he was my brother. I was quivering. Not because I was cold, but because I had upset him.

"I already feel like the world's biggest failure as a brother, now this certainly tops it, I wasn't there for you as a brother and as a result you had to grow up getting beaten every day. This is all my fault."

"I wasn't beaten every day!" How could I get through to him? He was so visibly upset. I had to suck it up and just tell him. "What did you expect me to say at the court hearing? I didn't know a single thing about you, and all of a sudden I was expected to trust you? You could've been worse than Valentine for all I knew, and no matter what mistakes my mom made, I wasn't going to throw her under the bus. So I asked the judge to give you both shared custody over me, which is pretty pointless considering the fact that I'll be 18 in a two years and none of this will matter, and you know what? In some ways I can't wait, because my life won't be _controlled_ by my parents. I can choose mt own goddamn path!" I turned away from him and began walking. How symbolis and ironic that I was walking down a park path.

_"Clary...Clary!" _He caught up beside me. "Will you just stop for a second please?"

I didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep going. I wanted to cry, So I hurried my pace down the path but I was eventually stopped by Jace so I steeled myself and immobilized my feet, and as tempting as it was, I refused to look at him.

"Look at me please," his voice sounded so gentle, like he was compelling me. After a minute I turned my head and met his gaze.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I lose my temper easily, it used to be worse before, and I've learned to control it better, but I don't always succeed."

I remained silent and shifted my weight to my right leg, folding my arms against my chest.

"I know you might not understand it, but I feel protective over you, and I just want you to be in a safe and loving enviorment. That bastard shouldn't raise his hand on you or any of his kids"

"I understand that, I just don't want trouble for mom, Which is why-"

"Just let me finsh," Jace cut me off. "Let me finish what I have to say. Trust me, I realize where your coming from," he looked at me and waited for a silent conformation, to which I nodded. "I understand your feelings of loyalty towards your mom. But now I know more than ever that you belong with me, because there's no way in hell that i'm going to beable to sleep at night, knowing you're living under the same roof of a violent man who feels he has the right to lay his hands on you."

"_You belong with me"... _those are the only words registered in my mind as I played them on repeat over and over.

"Have you spoken to Jocelyn about moving in with me and Kaelie?"

I shook my head. "Not yet."

"Please talk to her about it before the week ends."

I nodded and he hugged me again. "I love you. Please believe that. I just want to protect you," Jace whispered in my ear, as I tried my hardest to hold back my tears. I felt sad to feel him pull away so soon, but I knew it was most likely because he remembered I had to get back to school.

"I should probably drive you back now. I don't want you to ne late," I watched his eyes soften "_Please don't pout like that."_

I didn't even realize that I was pouting. "Sorry," I murmered."I just wish I could spend the day with you."

He looked like he was in deep thought for a good five seconds. "Do you have any tests today? Exams, pop quizzes?"

"No, we're supposed to be watching some boring video about early american settlers."

"Yikes, that does sound boring. Do you want to skip and hang out with me? I can sign you out of class and notify the office that you're not feeling well."

_Wow, was he for real!?_

"Did you let them know that I have guardianship over you now?"

"Yeah, I filled out the forms yesterday."

"Excellent," he smiled and held my gaze "So what do you say?"

"I would say yes but what would mom say?"

"Leave that to me. I'll give her a call."

I was so excited. I didnt't expect him to be this _cool. _ "Oh my god, you're the best!" I just couldn't contain my happiness, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. I melted when he laughed.

Jace was in the car waiting for his sister, hoping that she would take her time, just in case his phone call took longer than expected. He had successfully signed her out of school and told her that he would wait for her in the car while she picked up some textbooks from her locker. He took the oppertunity to call his mother, Jocelyn. After three rings, she picked up.

"Jocelyn, it's me"

"What do you want, Jace?" she recognized his voice and didn't sound to happy to hear from him.

"Clary wasn't feeling well, so she called me. I showed up at her school and signed her out of her last period class."

"_What? _Put her on the phone, I want to talk to her."

"I'm waiting for her in the car. She's at her locker picking somethings up."

"Then bring her home," Jocelyn rudely demanded.

"She said she wants to spend some time with me, so i'm going to look after her for the rest of the afternoon. I'l drop her off in the evening."

"If she's sick then she should be at _home_ in bed."

"Listen Jocelyn, it's pretty obvious that she wants to see her brother."

"So you help her play hooky?" She countered back.

"No, I'm just being there for her."

"Bring her home Jace. I'm not going to ask you again."

"Well quite frankly Jocelyn, you're not asking you're demanding, and I'm not going to bring her home when that bastard has a twitching hand around her."

"What the hell are you talking about? What did she say to you?"

"Yeah that's right. I don't know _everything_ because clearly she's protecting you, but I know enough to come to the conclusion that your fucking husband physically and verbally abuses _your _daughter."

"You don't know what you're talking about"

"You listen to me, and you listen good, because if you don't, I'm going to make you miserable little life much worse that it already is, and I'll especialy target that pussy husband of yours. I have the power to do it, I have the money to do it, and I'm straight forwardly telling you that you _don't_ want to push me Jocelyn."

"You want full custody of her don't you? Are you threatening me, Jace?"

"It's not a threat, it's a warning. And no, I don't want full custody of her. I wouldn't dream of taking her away from you like the way you took her away from me, and poisined her mind," he expressed in a sardonic voice.

"You did that all on your own," Jocelyn angrily argued back.

"I want Clary living with me for the remainder of the year."

"Absolutely not!"

"She's already said yes to me."

"Well I'm her mother and I say _no!"_

"Are you a bitter bitch now, Jocelyn? You can't stand the fact that you said no to me all those years ago, and chose to run away with some loser, cashing in on my bribe money only to have it all blown away overnight. You can't fathom how disappointing you life turned out-"

"_Shut up!"_

"Let me tell you this so that it's crystal clear for you. If you don't allow Clary to come to LA with me, you can kiss your life goodbye. I'll have child Protective Services at your door so quick that you won't even know what hit you. Your kids will become _goverment property _and placed into the system. What system is that? _Foster care, _sweetheart, and lastly, your pathetic excuse for a husband will be behind bars. Maybe I'll have you thrown in there with hi as well, since you've been a fucking neglectful mother."

"You're bluffing, there's mothing you can do. Clary would never testify against me and I'm not neglectful!"

"She wouldn't need to. Don't tempt me, Jocelyn, because I swear on her life that I'd do it and you would eternally regret it."

There was a long pause.

"You bastard- damn you..._fine!_ She's yours!"

"And one other thing- If you mention this little convo of ours to her, you'll be sorry."

"I won't mention shit! Happy? Are we done now!?" Jocelyn was so upset, but she took his warnings very seriously because she knew what he was capable of, and now that Jace was a lawyer, the chances of Valentine getting slapped with jail sentence was very likely to happen if he dragged his ass to court.

Jace suddenly saw his sister approaching from the distance. "You have a good day, Jocelyn." he said with a sly, sarcastic smile.

"Go to hell, Jace." She hung up.

Clary got inside the car and strapped her seat belt on.

"Did you call mom?"

"Yeah, I just got off the phone with her. She's fine with you hanging out with me. I told her I'd bring you back in the evening."

"Oh, okay. That's good."

"So tell me princess, what do you feel like doing since we're bordering on a rebellion today?" he smiled crookedly at her.

"Ummm..." long seconds passed and Clary still couldn't decide on a destination.

"I know where to take you," Jace smiled to himself and drove out of the school parking lot. "We're going shopping"


	5. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 5

I Shouldnt Feel This Way Chapter 5

I couldn't express what it felt like to be spoiled, because that feeling was totally foreign to me until my brother took me shopping with him. He literally spent about four thousand dollars on clothes, shoes, jewelry, accessoriess and makeup..pretty much everything and anything I wanted. Jace took me to all the high end designer boutiques and watched me try on outfits and shoes, and it was so much fun because as soon as he flashed his credit card, the employees at the store started giving us _VIP _treatment.

We stopped at a clothing store called _Chole _on Madison Avenue, and I was inside the dressing room trying on a strapless white dress. The satin fabric hugged my body in all the right places, with the hem resting three inches above my knees. I felt really sexy as I turned around, examining every angle of my body, it was perfect it wasn't to short or too long.

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand when I heard the sales lady talking with my brother in the backround. She thought I was his wife! Jace just laughed it off and informed her that I was his sister, to which she apoligized, God it was awkward for them. So I decided to step out of the dressing room and rescue him. "Do you like it?" I looked at him nervously, interrupting their conversation.

He was sitting on a modern white armchair, with a glass of champagne in his hand, _VIP treatment of course_.

I frowned when he didn't say anything. "You don't like it do you?" I desperatly searched his eyes, but he was too busy scanning my figure to respond, and his mouth was slightly opem.

"You look...divine."

A flattered smile spread across my face as I felt a rush of relief and rotated my body in a full turn.

"Those shoes look amazing with that dress. You look gorgeous," the sales lady added.

"Thank You."

"I can take the outfits and shoes to the front counter so it's ready for you."

"That would be great, thanks." I haded over four new and _very expensive _cocktail dresses, as well as three pairs of open toe heels and some designer jeans and shirts for casual wear. Te store had an amazing selection of clothing that catered to almost every occasion.

"I'll be right out," I looked at my brother while he sat comfortanly in his chair.

"Take your time sweetheart."

I shut the door of my dressing room and reached ack for my zipper, but I was having diffculty pulling it down. Well this was quite a predicament I was in. Nervously, I opened the door and tried to scan the room for the sales lady but she was no where in sight.

"Is something wrong?" Jace set his champagne glass down on the table next to him and leaned forward a bit.

"Uh...it's just my dress. I can't reach the zipper on the back. Can you help me out?"

"Yea sure," he stood and steped inside the dressing room, shutting the door just slightly, but not all the way. I assume he planned to make a quick exit.

I faced the mirror and felt the heat of his body as he stod behind me. Jace gathered my hair, and brushed it to the side of my neck. I breathed out and felt goose bumps form all the way down my arms. There was a gentle tug at the zipper of my dress, I focused on our reflection in the mirror while he pulled the fly down all the way. He stood taller than me, even in the heels I was wearing. I shivered when he placed a hand on my waist.

_Oh god, why is this happening? Why am I...feeling this way? I hugged my body so that the dress wouldn't fall, feeling slightly embarrassed and somewhat naked. "_Thank you." _I met his eyes through the reflective glass._

He placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed my cheek. His lips were scorching my skin with that heat of his kiss. "Anything for you baby girl."

A sweltering heat was growing inbetween my thighs. The way he looked at me was so incredibly seductive, and the whole undressing experience felt...erotic. _What was wrong with me?_

"I'll wait for you outside." Jace left my dressing room, and I finally let my dress drop to the floor. My nipples were completely erect and my face was slightly flushed. I was definitly familiar with the sensations of arousal, but at 16 years old... I was still a virgin. This was seriously wrong, so very, _very_ wrong.

oOo

After all the places we ventured to, I had gotten pretty tired and it was only late afternoon, not even dinner time yet. We placed all my shopping bags in the trunk of his car and in the back seat before he opened my passenger door to let me in.

"Is this your car?"

"No, it's just a rental. I drive an Audi convertible, _the R10 model."_

I had no clue what kind of car that was, but I knew Audi's were expensive.

"You'll see it when you come back with me. I might even let you drive it. Do you have your driver's licence?"

"I have my learners permit, but not the full licence yet."

"I'll teach you, soon enough," he smiled charismatically at me, and then started the car. I felt so happy, jus being near him made me content. This entire afternoon felt like a dream come true.

"So, where to angel?"

"What are our options?" I asked him

"Well, I could take you out to a movie. We could visit a museum or an art gallery, _or _we could go back to my hotel, order some room services, talk, watch movies and have a laid back evening. Which do you prefer? Feel free to add to the list of options by the way."

Oh, I much preferred the laid back evening. I really wanted a moment to spend some quality time with him, _alone._ "I like your last option," I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye and noticed his lips curve up sideways into a sexy smile, maybe this was a bad idea.


	6. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 6

I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 6

**Authors note: Here you go guys chapter 6 i've been working on this chapter all day Literally I think my neck is permantlly broken! So I hope you guys like it. when you guys are done reading pretty please make sure you check the A/N at the end of the chapter.**

**Clary**

I've always felt mature for my age, I guess it's because I knew that if I disobeyed or acted out, I'd get a good beating from Valentine. He scares me. I mean don't get me wrong, I've been the rebelilious teenager every once in a while, but my rule breaking vendettas have always been carefully calculated so that I'd stay off my parents radar. Last year I had tried cigarettes for the first time, but I nearly coughed up a lung, and at Allisons birthday party last summer, I got smashed, like _totally drunk_. I was lucky it was a sleep over, otherwise Mom and Valentine would've killed me had I gone home, with nothing to show but a slurred speech and major loss of motor skills.

Many growups these days think most teenagers are dumb, that they have no clue how the world works, but we're actually pretty smart. Well.. some of us are. I couldn't speak on behalf of the idiot jocks at my school, though I did like that I was quite the intellectual. Maybe I was just a nerd in the closet.

Yeah, that makes more sense. I had always tried to blend in with the cool kids, and I was pretty popular at school, but let's just say that I didn't talk about anything remotely physical or thought of provoking with my friends.

Prior to my older brother pulling a reappearing act into my life, my plan was to graduate with a scholarship and move far, far away. Yale would've been nice. Yeah, I know. I like to dream big. Mom did her best to install good morals and values in me. She was always good at giving me advice, but terrible at taking her own.

These were all the things I was thinking about during the car ride back to my brother's hotel. He wasn't talking much, just had the stereo playing at a comfortable volume while we drove through NYC traffic, which was like organized chaos... if that made any sense.

"Any idea what you want to eat for dinner?"

Finally, he said something.

"Um, I'm not sure."

"Pizza again?"

He looked over at me and I smiled.

oOo

I could hardly believe my eyes when I stepped inside his hotel room. It was seriously bigger than my family's apartment. He had the penthouse suite, which had huge floor to the ceiling windows, luxuriously furnished in earth tones, an open bar, open concept kitchen, two massive living rooms, a master bath, and a very spacious master bedroom with the biggest bed I had ever seen. I really couldn't understand ow one person could need for so much space. Maybe he was claustrophobic?

"Wow..."

"You like it?"

"It's amazing," I took off my jacket and cardigan while I scanned the entire room.

"Wait till you see our home, this is nothing compared to where your brother's living."

_'Your brother', 'our home'... _that made me smile.

"I'm going to order us that pizza. What toppings do you want?"

"Green peppers, mushrooms, and diced tomatoes."

Pizza twice in a row, that never happened in my household. I sat down on an espresso colored leather sofa and looked out the window. The sun was setting in the horizon and the sky had changed into a glowing magenta, melting into the orange hues. Fading flecks of sunrays glittered onto the polished window panes of the towering skyscrappers that surround us in the city. I was so obsorbed in the contemporary architecture and landscaping outside and I didn't realize my brother was calling my name.

"Clary" he placed his hand gently on my shoulder, and I turned around.

"Sorry, I think I zoned out."

Jace studied my face for a brief moment, and then looked out the window. "It's defenitly an impeccable view."

"I wish I had my pens and pencils, I love drawling."

"Have you taken classes?" he asked and sat down next to me, giving me his undivided attention.

"No, but ever since I won a contest last year, I took a real interest in it, and I've been drawling everything and anything that I found beautiful ever since."

"What contest?"

I laughed nervously. "It's kind of stupid. You'll probably laugh."

"No tell me," he moved in closer and I watched his Golden yellow eyes light up with genuine interest.

"My art teacher Ms. Dorthea, she was giving away this fancy art set, but it wasn't some charitable giveaway, you had to earn it. So she challenged everyone in the class to draw about anything nature themed, and we were allowed to color it in anyway we wanted to, just as long as we stuck to that rule, you know trees, grass, flowers, wild animals, and landscaping details. She gave us three weeks to produce our winning picture, and throughtout those weeks I was drawling pictures of everything. This was around the begininng of fall and all the tree leaves were just starting to change color. Most of the drawling's I did were done at unusual angles." I took a deep breath and continued. "One time I was walking down Central Park, and it was a sunny day, but for some reason it began to rain out of nowhere. It was like the sky had split in half with two diffrent weather forecasts, like the climate in the city and gone bipolar or something..."

He laughed at that part

"But it created this amazing effect beause while the sun was shining, there was a light drizzle of rain fall and it looked like diamonds were pouring from the sky. I noticed a young couple sitting on a bench between two tree's, and the colors of the leave were this brilliant crimison red. The man and waman were completely soaked under the rain, but they didn't seem to care. So I pulled out my camera and took one photo then I went home and drew it from the shot I took. The shot was just so beautiful. The woman had platinum hair and it was almost glowing in the sunlight while droplets of rain fell over her. But then I drew it and it was even better, I didn't do anything diffrent other than added a personal quote. '_Every rain dropthat you can't catch, that's how much I miss you.'_ when I won the contest, I felt like I didn't win fair and square because I believed my photograph was inspired by love specifically that couple, not so much by nature. I was just lucky enough to be at the right place, at the right time. Mother Nature just happened to show her _divine _presence on that particular day. I think it was the way he was kissing her that captivated me. He was just so tender and passionate." I dont know why I got nervous talking about it.

Jace smiled softly and caressed my cheek. "You have a poetic soul, Clary. I'd love to see that drawling."

"Nah, I'm just a die-hard romantic who's in denial. Ms. Dorthea framed my drawling it's on display in her art room."

"Why in denial? Who's broken your heart?" he replied with an unsettling look on his face.

"No one important, I just mean.. growing up, watching the interactions between Mom and Valentine made me feel like love doesn't exist, and if it's anything similar to what they have, then I don't want it. I felt like true love was an illusion that only existed in Hollywood films.

"_Felt, as in past tense? _What changed? Are you dating anyone?"

"I haven't changed my mind about it. I still believe true love doesn't exist." I lied "And ni I'm not dating anyone."

"Well I don't believe for a second that you feel true love is non-existent, and I also refuse to believe tha you're not dating anyone. Look at you, you're gorgeous."

I blushed.

"Not that I have a problem with that, actually I quite prefer you staying single atleast for another ten years. It'll make my job alot easier, and I won't have to beat anybody up."

We both laughed and I stared at him with so much admiration. I wonder if he felt it. "I can't imagine you going psychotic on a potential date I bring home..."

"Trust me. You don't want to find out. I can be a real dick sometimes. Your to young to date anyway."

Hmm seems like a good oppertunity to test out the waters.

"Well, what if I go to that rich new school you plan to get me enrolled in and I meet this really _hot, charismatic guy, _and he just so happens to be on the swin team.."

"Right.." he smiled crookedly, humoring me.

"And also captain of the debate team so that makes him athletic _and_ intelligent, _and _extremely good looking. Tall, Blonde hair, seductive eyes, muscular, kissable lips, _with a really big..." _Oh my god, I just described my brother.

"Okay, let's skip the detailed description, but go on, Jace chuckled.

"-...Heart." I finished off my sentence. He probably thought I was going to say _cock_. I giggled a it. "Would you let me date him if I brought him home, and let you meet him? Especially if he passed the douche bag test with flying colors?"

"Sweetheart, first off.. no guy you bring home is ever going to pass the _douche bag_ _test_ with flying colors. Everyman has borderline asshole tendencies, including me. It's the guys who _act_ all sweet and perfect that you have to watch out for. He could kiss my ass and address me as _sir _all he wants, it's all a fake facade, because there is only one fact that remains true and obvious."

"Oh, really? So you're saying he wouldn't be genuine?"

"No he wouldn't."

"And why not? What if he was in love with me?"

"Boys your age are too stupid and horny to understand what love is and what it's all about. They're all conquered by their cocks, and forgive my bluntness and degree of vulgarity in this discussion, but I speak the truth. The only evidence that can never be gathered out of all the _BS_ conversations he would have with my, hypothetically speaking, is the fact that he's strictly motivated to get you, _my sister_ in bed, and there is no way in hell I'm going to allow that to happen, because I don't want to see you shed a single tear over some bastard who will break your heart. I'd make any man cry tears of blood if they ever hurt you, but I also risk jail time because I don't think I would let them live. So be a little compassionate and sympathetic towards your brother, and try to see things from my point of view. You mentioned that I'm still young. Well, I'm admitting that I'm to young to have hand cuffs slapped on my wrists. I would hate to have to exchange my Armani suits for orange jumpsuits for the rest of my life behind bars," he looked at me with all seriousness, and then relaxed his expression before he started laughing.

I found it incredibly sexy that the was so territorial over me. "Was there anything you were serious about with all that you just said?"

Jace grabbed my hand and kissed it softley, while he gave me the hottest seductive stare. _Oh My God, _it was making me squirm in my seat. Okay I'll be honest, he probably wasn't being seductive or sexy on purpose, it was just my sick mind that was translating those _looks_ and_ stares_ in such immoral X rated ways.

"I meant all of it, but I also know that you're young and if I tell you no to boys, you'll go and date some asshole behind my back, and if you get your heart shattered, you'll keep it from me because you knew you weren't supposed to date, and I won't beable to comfort you and love you back to happy health. So I'd rather enforce the rule of democratic brother as opposed to the dictating brother. You can date, but I want to meet him first and no staying out past eleven. If you're going to have sex, use a condom _please_. I really can't imagine you as a teen mom"

"Jace..." oh boy, this was getting awkward

"You're just so young, Clary. I wish you wouldn't even think about boys that way"

"_Jace..."_

"Im going to buy you a big book of STD"s, so you'll know what the consequences of unprotected sex can look like and"

Before he could say anything else I cut in

"_Jonathan I'm a virgin."_ pretty much screamed it and he immediately stopped talking. I couldn't tell if he was more shocked that I called him Jonathan or that I confessed my virginity.

"Uh, well...that's great, Clary...that makes me feel..." there was an awkward pause ".. Really, very happy because..." God, he looked so uncomfortable. _Ugh, _why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut!?

"I can't believe I just corrupted you mind with all that sex talk. I am so, _so _sorry."

he ran his fingers threw his hair, and then rubbed the back of his neck before he looked at me again. "Wait, your mom told you the truth about the _birds and the bee's_, right?"

My face flushed in heat. "Jace, I know everything about the _bird's and the bee's_. I just...haven't done..." I lowered my voice "_It...yet,"_ crossing my left leg over my right thigh, I began to fidget with my hands in my lap. "I thought that might've been a good ting for you to know."

"Oh, Clary it is! Hey, look at me Angel."

I just felt embarassed. I mean, I'm sure he was a Casanova in bed and well, me ... _totally inexperienced. _I'm not saying I was totally innocent, I was familiar and skilled in oral sex, but nothing beyond that.

He tilted my chin up, and gently coaxed my head in his direction until I was forced to meet his gaze. His eyes had changed into a diffrent color under the dim lighting that surrounded us. It was like the sun was setting inside the his eyes. It was difficult to look at him because my heart just kept racing.

"It makes me so happy and proud to know that you love and respect yourself enough to understand that your body is a temple. Every young woman is like a divine goddess. You can't just let any person enter your temple door, you can only allow one true man who is worthy of worshipping you everyday. I'm seriously so proud of you. You just showed me that even in my absence you've become such a strong woman, who doesn't feel the nned to surrender her virtue to just any guy. Whether you wanted to feel loved, or wanted to fit in, you stand firm behind your own morals, and the fact that you're still a virgin is something you should always pride yourself about baby girl. As your brother, my advice to you is to _never, ever..."_ he paused for dramatic emphasis, "Have sex!"

Comic relief, I seriously needed that. We both laughed out loud and he kissed my cheek before he got serious again.

"I'm just kidding, sweetheart. I know you don't want to die an_ old maid _and I guarentee that won't ever happen anyway because you're a knock out. But since I'm your brother, and I'm sure Jocelyn would agree with me on this when I say, _wait until you're married. _I know it sounds unrealistic in this day and age, and it's not like you were raised by bible thumping parents.

"Teens always tend to go over board when it comes to rebelling against strict parents who have kept them confined within prison walls for so long. They eventually break free."

"_Shawshank Redemption much?"_ I laughed and he laughed with me.

"Hey, that was a good movie."

"Yeah, it was."

"But stay on topic. Don't distract me."

I couldn't help but laugh a bit. Our conversation flowed so naturally. Nothing felt forced. We brushed up on some pretty serious topics, and he had this amazing ability to take the heaviness and awkwardness away from our discusion by adding humour, feeding off my sarasm. Anytime I got sarcastic with my mom or dad, they usually bitched at me, and just couldn't understand that I was trying to lighten the conversation.

"So anyway, my point is..."

I watched him intently, not wanting him to fiish because I so enjoyed the sound of his voice. Jace cursed and then apoligized for cursing out lud. I thought I'd help him out. "Your point _is _you're proud that I am who I am today, and that many unfortunate things have happened, but it could've been worse, alot worse, and you're happy that throughout my turbulent times, I was able to rise above it."

He smiled warmly at me and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. "That's exactly my point, See that's another reason why I love yoo. You're on the same wave length as me."

I couldn't hide my smile, or the fact that I was bordering on becoming addicted to him, especially that _cologne. God, _I was convinced it was _Givenchy._

"Your so strong, Clary. That day when I saw you enter the courtroom, I could see your inner strength. I could feel it. I felt it in my gut, and my instincts are never wrong."

His words were really affecting me. I had known my brother all but three days, and he was already beginning to have such a huge impact on me. Was this because of a blood bond forged between us? Or some genetic occurrence that transpired when one had a sibling? I couldn't figure it out, all I knew was that I felt a cosmic connection with Jace, and the fact that I was his sister was crushing me, because I aware of the fact that he would never look at me _that _way.

I slipped out of my momentary melancholy when I heard a knock at the door.

"Pizza's here, I'll be right back sweeet heart," he stood up, grabbed his wallet and sauntered over to the door. I still couldn't get over how incredibly fashionable my father was. He _definitly_ had a nice ass. I was so prepared to confront him with unleashed resentment and anger, but something changed inside of me when I saw him in that courtroom. It wasn't that my anger had completely vanished. It was just sleeping, dormant like an inactive volcano. At that point I wasn't sure what it would take to make me explode in molten lava and become the force of nature I truly was. All my negative emotions were so suppressed. I think I was reserving all my hate for my brother. Every beating that I got from Valentine, anytime anything went wrong in my life, I blamed my brother and I was just waiting for the day when I could look him up, show up at his door, blast him and make him rue the day he ever left me behind. But instead, things took an unexpected turn in my life.

_He came and found me, tipping the scales between love and hate._The only thing that made my scale complicated was that I felt a certain kind of love that I shouldn't have been feeling. At that point I think it was safe to say I had the biggest crush on him, but if I could give you a visual, then picture this on the left side of the scale was '**LOVE YOU LIKE A LOVER'** and on the right side was **'LOVE YOU LIKE A SISTER'**... Which side do you think tipped the scale? The right side was completely weightless, because everything I was feeling tipped towards the left. I couldn't even begin to understand why. It was frustrating me, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

"Do you want to eat on the sofa?"

I looked up at him and broke my train of thought. "Yeah sure, let me help you out with the plates."

oOo

The pizza was really good, and I discovered that my brother really loved tabasco sauce on his pie like me. Was that a coincidence, or a particular food preference caused by genetic influence? I wasn't sure, but I really loved how laid back he was. We sat and ate while he told me more about his trips to europe.

"You're so lucky. I've always wanted to go to these places."

"I'll take you all over the world. I promise you that."

I smiled like an idiot. All this smiling was seriously going to give me premature wrinkles. _Not cool._

"I've already figured out that you have an appreciation for art, so I think Italy would be the first place I'd take you. They have beautiful gallaries in Florence and the country itself is immersed in artistic history. Is that what you want to major in, the arts?"

I wasn't sure if I should tell him honestly what I always wanted to be growing up, but I decided to open up and share.

"When I was five, I knew I wanted to be an actor, and then when I was ten, I was convinced that I wanted to be a singer, and I can defintely carry notes without going off pitch while singing, but that dream was short lived," I laughed a bit as he just stared at me, intrigued by my story and never taking his eyes off of me.

"But by the time my 13th birthday came around, I had decided that I wanted a modeling career, and here I am at 16 years old and still secretly desiring it. Mom never enrolled me to any modelling agencies, so I have zero experience, and Valentine looked down on me for even considering it. He said models are drugged up anorexic sluts that fuck cock and pussy every night to stay in shape.."

I stopped when Jace choked on his drink. Oh god, I totally lost control of my mouth while I rambled on.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry, I was just quoting him."

He coughed a few times, pounding his chest, waving at me to continue. "Yeah, I'm fine.. just went down the wrong way."

I'm suprised he didn't cuss me out the way my dad usually did. Maybe he was trying to leave a good impression on me.

"So, I just buried my head in academics and art. I really suck at math and science, and at this point I think my best shot is becoming an english teacher."

"Well, you're certainly well-spoken in your words, Clary. Your vocabulary is very rich and mature."

"English, history, art and social studies are my strongest subjects. Don't ask me to tell you my math or science grade because it's embarrasing."

Jace chuckled a bit and smiled. "I can get you the best tutor when you come live with me. Your marks will improve significantly, and although I do support the academic route in life, I want to fully support you as well on pursuing your dream because it's not too late, and ..."he paused and drew in a deep breath. "That idiot dad of yours doesn't know what he's talking about. Every industry can be risky and dangerous, but it's important to have a good group of people around you to keep you grounded, and I promised that I'll never leave your side."

I was feeling so much joy in that moment that I could hardly contain my happiness.

"I still want you to get into a good university, because you always need to have a plan B in case plan A falls through. But I'' tell you what, I have multiple connections with very important people, I can get you into a good agency, and you can do some medelling on the side while you're studying at university. How does that sound?"

"Do you really mean all that?" I was so suprised and so happy, that it was making me emotional.

"Clary, you are beyond beautiful. If I had it my way, I'd personally lock you up and keep your beauty hidden from the world. But if this is what makes _you_ happy, then I'll do whatever I can to stand behind you and help you achieve your dreams."

This was so unreal. Why, _why _was he so perfect?

"Aw baby, don't cry. Come here."

It's true, he evoked so much emotion out of me that it brought me to tears, because for once in my life, I felt like an angel had fallen from the heavens and came to my rescue. He wrapped his big strong arms around me and kissed my head, kneading his fingers through my hair.

_"I mean it Clary, I'm not going anywhere."_

I shivered as he whispered in my ear. My heart was racing so fast that I was scared that he would hear it. His body felt so familiar to me, as if it belonged to me. I don't know why I felt this way, perhaps because I was feeling territorial of him. Maybe it was the begininng stages of possessiveness. I didn't know and I didn't want to keep questioning it, because when he held me in his arms, the storm in my chest suddenly calmed and faded away.

"I love you baby girl."

_Oh please say it again. _I had been so deprived of love. Is that what I was feeling? Love deprivation? I had a mother who cared for me and loved me in her own way, yet I never felt that it was enough. Was I just a needy person? Always needing and wanting more? Or was I in love with this beautiful man who made me melt whenever he looked at me, and made my heart flutter when he spoke with sweet words to me...this man made me feel many conflicting emotions that society would deem as _wrong _and _immoral. _Was I a bad person for feeling this way? Was I hell's spawn? I wondered what he would think if he knew half the things that went through my mind whenever he was around me.

Jace withdrew and held my face, staring at me with such intensity that heated me beyond the physical plane. He set fire to my frozen soul. His fingertips felt cold, probably because of the icy water bottle he had been holding.

_Eyes of fire, touch of ice._ I made a mental note to write that in my diary when I got home.

"Let's lighten up the evening with a little music, huh?" he smiled charismatically at me and rose to his feet.

"I'll clean up."

"No, leave the plates and pizza boxes."

I watched him with curiosity as he turned on the stereo, shuffling through some tracks. It took only a few seconds before I heard the familiar voice of Frank Sinatra and his famous song, _Fly Me To The Moon. _I laughed when he started to sway to the music, walking towards me.

"I didn't know you could dance!" I stood up and looked at him as he stepped infront of me and held out his hand.

"Dance with me."

I couldn't stop myself from giggling.

"Oh come on, Clary. You said you can dance. Show me"

"Yeah _latin dance_. Not ummm..." but before I could finish he pulled me into his arms leaving me almost breathless.

"I'll lead, you follow."

Jace loked so unbelievably adorable, and I couldn't stop smiling. He spun me around and I placed my hand on his shoulder while he held my right hand in his, placing his free hand on my curve of my spine. He led me around the room, until we planted our feet in the center of the floor to ceiling window. It was dark out now and city looked beautiful outside.

_Fly me to the moon_

_Let me swing among those stars_

_Let me see what spring is like _

_On Jupiter and Mars_

_Fill my heart with song_

_Let me sing forever more_

_You are all I long for _

_All I worship and adore._

Sinatra sang the lyrics as we danced through the whole song. I laughed when he twirled me around like a ballerina. His moves were definitly impressive. How was he so flawless in everything? Did he even realize the way he was continuosly charming me? Jace pulled me in closer to his body and we danced by the window, gently swaying side to side to the beat of the music.

"You didn't step on my feet."

"Were you expecting me to?"

"Maybe," he chuckled. "I pulled some pretty advanced dance moves on you before I brought it down a couple levels. Did you take ballroom dancing or something?"

I smiled and shook my head. "Not exactly."

"You said you're familiar with Latin dance. Where did you learn and which dances?"

"Salsa, samba, but the one dance that I'm defintily confident in is _bachatta." _

"Batchatta? Wow... that's a very sensual dance. Who taught you?"

"Allison has latin rootss. Her mom's a dance instructor and has a private studio in the basment of her house. The first time I went to Ally's place, she gave me a full tour and when we went downstairs, her mom was teaching a class, all beginners and all of them were teens. There was this boy there and his partner was sick so she asked me if I could volunteer for a couple of mintues and dance with him... and I did, apparently I really impressed her because I learned the dance steps and choreography very quickly. She said I was a natural and encouraged me to participate in her classes. When I told her I couldn't afford it, she offered to mentor me, free of charge... and I accepted. This was last year."

"You never cease to amaze me."

I blushed, totally flattered by his compliment. He gentley brushed his hand down my lower back and I shivered in reaction.

"Are you cold? I can turn up the eat."

"No, I'm fine." Dammit, he noticed.

Jace suddenly spun me around and dipped me while I giggled.

"You have the cutest laugh."

"I love _your _laugh," I confessed, as he held me in that dip position. His eyes were penetrating right through me. He didn't say anything, but I watched his lips curve up into a sexy, crooked smile. I bet he was used to hearing that. I wondered how many women have told him this. _Probably hundreds, thousands? Ugh, how original Clary. _I thought in dismay.

"You're to sweet to me," he slowly guided my body back up on me feet, and kissed my forehead. The song had ended.

Was I being too sweet? Maybe I should've toned down.

"Let's put the pizza away and watch a movie or something. The night is still young."

I smiled and followed him. _This man is a god, kill me now, please. _Those were my last thoughts.

**Authors Note: Hey guys later on in the story I was thinking about adding an OC, But I'm totally blank so if you guys could help out that would be awesome but I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, Im going to be updating sometime tomorrow so don't worry, I'm not qutting on this story! **


	7. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 7

I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 7

**Authors note: Hey guys, I decided to update again cause I'm super bored ! **

**Clary**

I had to close my jaw shut when I saw my brother unbuttoning his shirt in front of me. _Oh. My. God, _I was exaggerating a bit. He _walked past me_ while unbuttoning his shirt. But I saw enough! I think there was a hint of a tattoo on his chest, but the rest of his black shirt covered it. Jace had a serious six pack.

"I'm just going to change out of this shirt, be right with you...pick a movie you want to watch. I've got netflix!" he hollered out from the bedroom.

It was hard to focus on finding a movie when all I could think about was the image of his somewhat naked body infront of my eyes.

He returned after a short while, dressed in a black tank top and light blue jeans that were low rise. I could tell because they hugged his hips a little loosely and he wasn't even wearing a belt. My brother had the most amazing body I had ever seen. Oh my god... If I could fan myself, or faint, I would. His arms were toned, his shoulders sculpted, light tanned skin, is tank top acentuated his V shaped midsection like the most perfect inverted triangle, and I swear I saw a ripple of muscule protruding from the fabric that wrapped around his abdomen. It was the first time I saw him dressed so casually. He looked like someone I could meet at a bar or at college, and I would totally be attracted to him. Had I met him that way, I definitly would've tried _something _to get his attention. But unfortunately, we weren't under those kinds of circumstances. Jace was my brother. He was young, and attractive, successful and totally sweet, but none the less, _my_ brother.

I couldn't see any visible tattoo's on him, which made me conclude that they were possibly on more intimate places on his body. There was a part of me that seriously wanted to give into the benefit of the doubt and suggest we call up Valentine and get a paternity test done. You know...just to see if I really am Jace's sister. I mean if my mom ever decided she wanted to switch it up with a diffrent man, I would be cool with that too. Then I could've had my happily ever after...maybe? _Ugh,_ a girl can dream.

"Did you pick a film, angel?"

I had to close my eyes and secretly enjoy the pleasure of smelling his cologne. That's it! I was going to ask him, and I planned to make it sound as normal and innocent as possible. _No ulterior motive...nope. _"What kind of cologne are you wearing?" well that was straight to the point, wasn't it? _Great job on subtlety Clary! Not_. I silently scolded myself.

He turned his head and looked at me. "Why? Is it to strong? Are you getting a headache?"

"What?" I screwed up my face and shook my head. "No! I love the smell."

"Okay, that's a relief. It's _Play by Givenchy."_

I knew it was Givenchy! "Why would you think it would give me a headache?"

"Kaelie is sensitive to perfume and cologne fragrances. She gets headaches if I wear certain brands, so I just thought maybe you're the same."

_Well I'm sorry brother, but she is nuts. You smell like heaven. I secretly confessed._

He sat down on the long lounging sofa across from the television and played the film I had randomly chosen.

"The Dark Knight Rises... I haven't seen it yet. Nice choice. I'm a fan of the films. By the way, before I forget, do you want any popcorn, snacks or anything?"

I sat down next to him and shook my head. "No, I'm still stuffed from dinner."

"Okay, just making sure."

There was a bit of space between us, and I secretly prayed he would just pull me into his arms and cuddle me. I rubbed my arm a bit and he immediately noticed. It's like he had amazing reflexes or something.

"Are you cold? Come here."

_Thank you God for miraculously answering my prayers!_

I scooted in closer to him as he lifted his right arm and rested it on the top edge of the sofa. I was nervous, and my heart rate was accelerating by the second, being around Jace made me feel like I was on a never ending roller coaster. You know that rise and fall feeling you get when you're on a scary thrill ride? You reach the top of the ride and you're just waiting, anticipating that free fall moment, where you either **A, **scream your lungs out** B, **Close your eyes and breathe it out to the verge of hyperventilation, or ** C, **just look down and stay silent because your pretty much go into shock. Well, for me it was all of the above. That's how he made me feel. At that moment I was doing the _'A'_ part in my head. _Screw going to an amusment park!_

"Clary, your arms are cold."

"Yeah, but I'll warm up." his body was like a heat pad.

He rubbed my arm gently, and the sudden contact was spreading goose bumps all over my skin. I felt a bit embarrassed because I was sure he noticed it.

"Did you see the previous films before this one?" his voice was relaxed, deep, yet a little husky. I bit my lip and tried calm myself. Forcing recovery from the whirlwind of emotions that were hitting me seemed near impossible. It was too much sensory overload at once, _sight, smell, hearing, touch. _I didn't know which one was more perceptive compared to others.

"Yeah, I saw them. They were good. I love Christian Bale."

"He's a great actor. Is he your favorite?"

"Michael Douglas is my favorite."

"Well that's unusual. I was expecting you'd mention someone like _Dicaprio"_

I laughed and tried to focus on the action sequence that was taking place on the TV screen. I was bold enough to shift a bit, and press my ear right against his chest.

Oh my god, I could hear his heart beat. It was like a slow pounding drum rhythm. Every beat echoed louder and louder in my ear, making my blood rush in my veins. As if I was going under some sort of hypnosis, in a trance, right under his compulsion. Jace's body had magical properties, and I was falling under a spell that I couldn't seem to break, was this a curse? Was I born an abomination to the human race? Had god decided to punish me for being born out of wedlock of parents, who just so happen to be Jace's. Was God even on my side in this? Or was I giving into the lustful temptations of the flesh that lucifer was whispering in my ear. Where do you even draw the line between good and evil in this situation? Had I gone so far off the spectrum of purity that I was corrupting my own innocence without even realizing it? Without understanding that my desire for my brother was strictly sin and nothing more?

No, I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to justify these feeling with explanations that would place a huge red stop sign infront of me. I didn't want to see it. I wanted to ignore it and pretend the stop sign didn't even exist because those feelings.. the way he affected me, never made me feel more alive. To take away those emotions and label them as _wrong_ was too heart breaking. For me it was emotional suicide.

That moment right there was so valuable to me, because we were exchanging energy between each other. Our bodies were exchanging heat. Input, output, circulating as one. I felt like I was _one with him._

"Wow, your hair smells amazing. Is that vanilla or strawberry?" he leaned forward and sniffed my hair a bit as I giggled.

"Yeah, it's the shampoo I use."

"I love your hair. It's so thick and shiny. You could always be a hair model on those _Pantene Pro V _commerials. Ever thought about that? Don't even think about doing _Herbal Essences."_

"Why not?"

"Because shampooing your hair is nowhere near orgasmic."

I laughed in response. I prefer the runway."

He chuckled lightly and kissed my hear. "Okay, princess. It's your dream."

oOo

Thirty minutes later, I mustered up the courage to snuggle closer to him and rest my hand on his chest. I was scared shitless making the attempt, but he didn't flinch or reject my hand. He was sitting with his feet comfortably propped up on the coffee table that was stationed at a close distance across from the sofa, and I was sure he was engrossed in the movie. There were so many going through my mind and I was too distracted by other thoughts to even pay attention to the movie, but I just stared and watched the screen as if I was a blind person. Unfortunatly my hearing wasn't all that hyper sensitive at the moment. Everything was going in one ear and out the other, like I had programmed some kind of filter in my head that would catch his words and register his dialogue in case he spoke, while my ears tuned out surrounding audio around me, processing it as insignificant. His heart beat was the only sound I wanted to hear. My chest suddenly felt heavy, and I wasn't sure why. With every bit of affection that he had given me, left me craving for more.

_What do you want Clary? Just say it._ My subconcious whispered to me. No, I wouldn't say it. Not out loud, and no within the safe silence of my mind.

"Oh man! That scence was awesome!"

I jumped.

"Aw, I'm sorry angel.. Didn't mean to scare you." Jace squeezed me in his arms and kissed my head again, moving a lazy hand up and down my arm. His fingertips lightly brushed against my skin, and scent of his intoxicating cologne teased my scenses as I listened to the sound of his heart beating in a synchronized rhythm. _Finger tips, heat, breathing, cologne, touch, smell, heat desire, adrenaline, finger tips, skin, heat, skin, heat, skin, sex._

My mind was reeling and the moment my subconscious mind finally revealed what I was hiding deep within the compartments of my _do not read files, _al thoughts came to a screeching halt and the only thing I processed afterwards was that I wanted him and I wanted him to want me.

I decided to use every part of my sexuality to make him see me the way I saw him, because from the moment, it became clear to me that I could never love him like a sister. I had already proven that with my imaginary, hypothetical scale. It was only a matter of time before I full out admitted it to myself. There were only two possible outcomes to this tragic love story that I was unexpectedly pulled into, I would make him feel repulsed by me and he would leave me forever. This was a chance I was willing to take, because there was no way I could ever be happy being only a sister to him. Being estranged from my brother forever would've been an acceptable fate if there was no happy ending for me. Call it selfish, I didn't care. I had a right to be selfish for once in my life. My mind was made up, and with that, I strengthened myself and pretended that I had an ego tall enough to push me to execute my next move.

Slowly, and carefully I leaned sideways and slumped my shoulder down his chest, past his stomach, until I was resting my head on his lap. I was freaking out, my heart was beating like a hammer, but the adrenaline was exciting at the same time.

"Are you tired, sweetheart?"

_Shit_

"No, I just wanted to get more comfortable," I curled up into a ball, holding my knees to my chest and then felt him wrap a blanket that he had thrown over my body.

"Well, get comfortable. It's a long movie."

I took the moment to just calm the beating organ in my chest that was nearly bordering on a heart attack, and rested one hand on his thigh so that my neck was positioned more securely. He placed his feet on the ground. I assume because he felt the elevated angle was hurting my neck. I didn't mind though.

Minutes later I felt his fingers through my hair, gently playing with my long auburn locks. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. He was arousing me. Automatically, I began to fantasize his hand lingering down my arm, over the curve of my hip that was shaped like an hourglass, before resting his hand right on my ass, rubbing and groping me, and then he would tell me to turn and lay on my back, and I'd obey and stare up at him. His eyes would be wild and drenched with lust and desire for me and he would gaze at me body as if it belonged to him. Then he would unbutton my jeans, and slide his hands down my panties, to feel a very tight, and sodden-

"_Hoy shit! That was badass! Did you see that?"_

And poof went my fantasy. "Oh yeah...wow..." I pretended to pay attention. My little steamy dream bubble popped and disappeared forever into an unknown abyss, never to be retrieved again. If I was cold before, my body had definitly heated up. I felt like a thermostat burning at a maximum tempature. I quickly resolved to abandon my devious thoughts and actually pay attention to the film. It would've seriously sucked if he asked me about it afterwards and all I'd beable to say was '_My favourite parts in the film? Umm...all of it?_

_Lame Clary. Very lame._

They were over halfway into the fim when Jace felt Clary was a little to quiet. He slowly leaned forward and carefull peered down at her angelic face. She had fallen aslee. He smiled a bit and grabbed the TV remote.

With a quick push of the power button, he switched off the television and gently scooped his sister up in his arms. But before he could stand up, her eyes fluttered open and she was staring rigt up at him with sleepy green eyes.


	8. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 8

I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 8

**Jace**

"Hey angel, Close your eyes," his voice was soft and soothing

_"What time is it?" _Clary asked. Her voice sounded a little groggy from the deep slumber that had crept up on her.

"It's a little past ten."

"I should call mom."

"Don't worry about her. I'll send her a text."

"I don't want to go home. I want to stay here with you" She was half asleep, but completely vulnerable, confessing truths like an honest drunk, except she wasn't intoxicated. She was sober. The only person who intoxicated her was Jace.

He smiled warmly at her and held her tightly in his arms, while he leaned back against the sofa. Clary curled up into his lap, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rested her head against the crook of his neck, breathing him in.

Jace froze. He didn't know what to do. Initially he planned on taking her to bed so she could lie down and sleep comfortably, but for some reason, he didn't want to get up. The deepest part of him recognized the fact that he enjoyed holding her.

Ignoring his need to feel some sort of contact with her, he chose her comfort over his own and stood up, carrying her to his bed. His bedroom was huge, and as soon as he placed her down on the mattress, he turned on the bedside lamp so that it wasn't completely dark.

Clary stirred and woke up again. "Don't go, please don't leave me."

Jace was about to put one foot out the bedrom door when he turned around and looked back at his frightened little girl who looked crushingly defenceless and emotionally exposed. Her eyes betrayed her inner fear, _Abandonment. _He realized this right away and it broke his heart because that was the last thing he wanted her to feel again. So he slowly sauntered back towards the bed which was covered in a lxurious gold colored duvet, with expensive white Egyptian cotton sheets. There was a cluster of luxury pillows sprawled out, resting against the mahogany colored headboard. Her small frame looked even tinier on that bed.

"I'm here baby girl," Jace sat on the edge of the bed and smiled as she kept staring at him with sleepy eyes. "I think all that shopping tired you out huh?"

She nodded with a smile, pulling on his arm so that he would lie down next to her, and he did. Jonathan Herondale wasn't the kind of man who would her submit to anyone, incuding his wife. Many times Kaelie demanded his affections, and his time but it always had to be on _his terms, and at his convenience. _He was an Alpha, and there was never a moment in his life where he relinquished control over himself to another woman.

It was in that moment that he realized that his sister had the power to strengthen him, or _destroy _him, because he would've gone to the ends of earth to make her happy, and there was a huge chance that she would ruin it and finis him along the way. What if his love wasn't enough? What if she wouldn't be satisfied with all that he could lay at her feet? What if she secretly desired revenge and would never love him? There were so many _what Ifs. _It was making him scared inside. Jace wasn't used to that kind of vulnerability. He was a man of control and when it came to his sister, he just couldn't control his or her's thoughts and feelings.

Clary moved his arm so that it was resting flat on the bed, and she slowly moved in closer to his body, curling up next to his chest. She looked like a beautiful kitten.

Jace slightly turned his body so that he was able to look at her face. Her eyes were shut and she let out a contented sigh that made him smile. She looked incredibly peaceful and just as beautiful in her sleep. He was fasinated and stunned that Valentine and Jocelyn had created such a beautiful child, he couldn't believe that _they shared _DNA. Clary was a part of him and _Blood Ties Never Lied._

He gently caressed the side of her face, brushing her hair back in a soothing motion. She was a precious little gift. He was very young when she was born, but in that moment, he thanked whatever powers that existed above, for bringing her back to him. He knew he could never let her go and she would indeed have her on his knees. Jace realized that Clary would be the only women in his life that would make him fall to his knees before her. The only one who could obliterate his pride and make him feel desperation, and it scared him to death.

He laid there with her for the longest time, while he remembered that he had to call her mom, so he carefully slipped out of bed and tip toed back to the living room. Jace pulled out his cell phone and let out an exasperated sigh before dialing Jocelyn's number. He was expecting her to pick up, when a man voice answered the phone.

"_Hello?"_

There was silence at first. He didn't say anything. Instead, he quickly glance at his mobil and that he dialed Jocelyn's landline by mistake.

_Fuck. _Jace cursed under his breath. He knew who he was speaking to on the other end. He just didn't want Clary to be present when he had this conversation with him.

_"Hello!?"_

"Is this Valentine?"

_"Yeah, who the hell are you?"_

"Put Jocelyn on the phone." he tried to keep his voice down do he wouldn't wake his sister up.

"_I said.. who the fuck are you?"_

Jace closed his eyes and began to pace around the living room, silently counting to ten and praying he wouldn't lose his temper, because boy did he want to give that man an earful, including a mouthful of broken teeth once he got the satisfaction of punching him in the face.

"Listen you _asshole_, Its jace not put Jocelyn on the phone _now _and I'll consider not putting you in the hospital when I see you disgusting face." he growled through gritted teeth.

"_Hahahaha, Jace my boy." _Valentine said in a scarcastic tone "_Who the fuck do you think you are, you low life mother fucker!?" _Valentine had an obnoxious voice, followed by a New York's accent. Jocelyn's voice could soon be heard in the backround as she struggled to take the phone out of her husband's hand.

Jace knew he could've just hung up and called her cellphone, but he was too prideful to back down from that coward.

"_Jace?"_

_"_Well, finally...took you long enough." He really wanted to smoke a cigarette, even though he had promised Kaelie he would quit.

"_When are you bringing Clary back home? You said after dinner. Do you know what time it is now? It's late!"_

"Calm your tits Jocelyn. She's with me, not with some hormonal teenage boy who's going to get her drunk and date rape her."

_"Sounds like something very similar that happened to me."_

"What the hell are you implying? That my father date raped you. You were a horny little slut! If he really did then why the fuck are you still with that loser!?"

"_How dare you talk to me that way!"_

Valentine started shouting out a string of profanities at him from behine the phone.

"Get you rabid _dog _on a leash," Jace rested his hand against the wall and looked out the window. He just couldn't ignore the urge to smoke. It's how he normally delt with stress.

"Bring her home, Jace. _Now."_

"She fell asleep. We're at my hotel and I dont want to wake her."

_"Clary has school tomorrow and all her things are at home."_

"She brought her book bag with her before we left her high school, and I took her shopping, So she can get dressed from here and I'll drive her in the morning."

"_Why are you being so difficult? You've already won already! Let me spend as much time with my daughter as I can before you take her from me by force!"_

_"_No, _you_ are the one who's being difficult, and for the past 16 years you've been unfair to me and Clary!" His hand was trembling from adrenaline and rage that was metamorphosing inside him.

_"Stop blaming me for all you faliures, Jace! You're not the victum in all this, my daughter is!"_

He took a moment to cool down his temper before he smashed something. He didn't want to injure his fist or wake Clary up. Jace loved his sister, but by God, he sure as hell hated her mother. "She's staying over tonight. End of discussion, Jocelyn you can have her tomorrow, and I swear on her life if I see so much as a scratch on her, I will put your husbandin a coma, and chanced are he won't wake up."

_"Save you threats."_

He was about to retort back with some real heavy ammunition when all he heard was a dial tone. She had hung up. Well, it was clear he won this battle. If Clary hadn't been around, he would've smashed everything that came in his line of sight. Jace was raging inside and had no way of relieving himself of these emotions. Surrendering to temptation, he quickly grabbed his pack of cigarettes from his trench coat and stepped outside. He hadn't bothered to throw on a jacket, so he just stood in the cold night air with his shoes on and opened the ten deck. As soon as he opened it, he read the little inscription he had written with blue ink pen

_I Jace Heronadale have officially quit smoking._

_This is my last full deck and also a reminder_

_Of my commitment to never touch a cancer stick again._

_Jan/1/2012- 12:00AM_

_J.C.H_

The hot shot lawyer had remained nicotine free for the past eleven months. He was going to throw all that hard work and commitment away in ten short seconds. All he had to do was ligt it up and take a drag.

"_Jace?"_

Half panicking, he shoved the pack of smokes into his front pocket and turned around. His sister was leaning her weight against the doorframe, which seperated the terrace from the living room.

"Hey, why did you wake up?"

"I thought I heard voices."

Jace silently cursed himself because he knew he most likely disrupted her sleep, he leaned back against the concrete railing and folded his arms against his chest.

"What are you doing out here?" she rubbed the side of her arms, feeling the cold autum chill in the air. Winter was almost on it's way.

"Clary, get inside. You'll catch a cold.. I was just getting some air."

"Oh," she stepped onto the cold concrete and walked towards him. He watched her face wondered if she noticed the otllined box that he stealthily stashed away in his front left pocket.

"I missed you," it sounded like a silent whimper, as Jace felt his sister wrap his slender arms around his waist. It had taken him by suprise, He wasn't expecting her to be so affectionate to him so soon, but her embrace was well recieved as he enveloped his arms around her, shielding her from the cold frost of the night. The wind danced through her Dark auburn silky hair, whipping it side to side around her face.

Jace could feel her shivering and he tightened his arms around her more. Suprisingly he wasn't very cold. His body temperature seemed to function to a higher degree than the average man.

"Sweetie, you're shivering. Let's get you inside," he spoke in her ear in a hushed tone, and then kissed her head before pulling away. Jace grabbed her hand and led her inside, shutting the sliding screen door behind him and locking it.

Clary took her phone out of her handbag and gasped, catching her brother's attention.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh my god, it's almost midnight. Mom and Valentine are going to _flip."_

He casually walked towards her and rested his palm on the counter, leaning his weight against it. "Relax, I called her and told her you were tired so you're staying the night. She's cool with it."

Clary arched an eyebrow at him. "That's strange..."

"How so?" he challenged her, flashing a smug smile.

"Because that's so not typical mom behavior."

"Well, maybe you should just trust in your brother's charistmatic ways with women." More like _threatening _ways. He was certainly not to be trifled with. Nobody wanted to be on Jace Herondales bad side.

She smiled softly at him and ran her fingers threw her hair.

"You can sleep on the ed. I'll crash out here on the sofa."

Clary frowned. "Can you please just lay with me for a bit until I fall asleep?"

Jace seemed a littlee apprehensive about it at first, but he eventually acquiesced.

They walked back into the bedroom and he decided to tease her a bit.

"By the way, you snore so loud in your sleep."

"I do not!" She looked mortified

"Do not!"

"How do you know? Do you listen to yourself sleep? You were snoring so loud I had to shut off the movie beause U couldn't concentrate,"

he started laughing so had but just as quick as the laughter came, it soon faded because he noticed that she was taking the joke very seriously. He could see it all over her sullen face. It was like he had sucked all the life out of her eyes and it disturbed him.

_Shit, maybe it's too soon to tease her like this. _He wanted to make it right, and fast. "Clary, I'm just kidding."

Her expression remained frozen for a good five seconds, and then she tackled him so hard that he fell on the bed. "You are so mean! Done joke around with me like that!" She was upset, but was laughing and relieved more than anything. Just entertaining the thought of snoring around him mad her feel humiliated.

"I'm sorry, it was just to tempting." His laughter didn't end as she mounted him and playfully slapped his arms and chest.

Jace had to assert his brute strength. He grabbed Clary's waist and rolled on top of her, grabbing her wrist and pinning them back above her head on the mattree. He was like a lion, tamping his disobidient lioness, and declaring his dominace over her.

Clary's giggles ceased as she stared up at her brother, lost in intensity of his eyes, both unaware of who was drowing first. Jace's eyes were alluring yet dangerous, like a strong ocean current pulling you into the deep end. Before he knew it, You'd be drowning, and Clary's eyes were mesmerizing yet bewitching. She could beguile any man with just one look and she didn't even know it. But Jace did.

"Do you surrender?" he smiled wickedly and gripped her wrists harder.

"Never!" Clary laughed and shook her head.

He smiled darkly this time and lowered his face a bit so his lips were nearly brushing her earlobe.

"_I was just joking. No need to get violent," _his voice was laced with a sedictive undertone that made her shiver.

"Maybe I like Violent."

"Maybe it's time to get changed and go to sleep, because tomorrow is a school day missy."

"_Maybe _you should get off of me first," She was getting sassy with him now as she smirked at him.

"Good point," he released her wrists and hoisted his weight off of her, Clary felt dissapointed at the loss of contact.


	9. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 9

I shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 9

**Authors Note: Hey guys so just to let you guys know Stephen and Celine are Jace parents but he doesn't know that, He's aware that Celine is his mom but he doesn't know Stephen is his dad, so he thinks Valentine is his father later on he'll find out the hole truth. But anyway in this chapter there's going to be a heated scene between Jace and Clary since everyone wants them to have some "action" LOL, but I'll give you warnings just in case you want to skip it. And sorry if there's error's or anything I dont have time to edit :/!**

**Jace**

"I can give you a pair of my shorts and a T shirt to wear since we didn't exactly buy you night time attire."

I rummaged through my closet and tossed her a pair of my navy blue shorts that had a pull string around the stretchy waist band, and a white T shirt that was clearly too big for her size. "You'll probably disappear in my clothing, but atleast you'll sleep comfortably."

"Thanks."

God, I love her smile. It was adorable. I grabbed a pair of slacks and stepped into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth.

Today was certainly an interesting day... I still wanted to beat that mother fucker up before leaving NYC. I couldn't wait for the moment where I could personally deliver my fist to his mouth, but I gues I'd have to be patient for the time being. Besides, how could I stay mad when Clary was around? It was like she magically made my rage disappear, and also appeared to be the cure for my nicotine cravings. I was so close to lighting up tonight. In some ways, I was glad she interrupted my little love affair with cigarettes.

I took a moment to just stare at me reflection in the mirror, because I was worried that I might walk out while she was indecent. I considered myself a high maintenance kind of guy. I took care of my skin, my body, and in general overall apperance. I have always been that way.

I was about to look away when something caught my eye. I peered in closer toward the mirror and stared at a spot towards the corner of my eyes. _What the hell? Those better not be wrinkles? _Fuck. No. I was disturbed by the thought of aging, Dorian Gray Syndrome much?

With a heavy sigh, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a tube of anti-aging cream. _Hmm better safe than sorry. _

I grabbed my dental floss and quickly flossed my teeth before I walked out of the bathroom. When I saw my sister, I was stunned and found myself slightly mute for the longest five seconds. Clary was standing a few feet away from me and she had changed into my clothes alright... except she wasn't wearing my shorts.

"Um, your shorts were way to big."

I tried not to sare at her legs because I could tell that she felt somewhat uncomfortable. "Don't worry about it. You're getting under the covers anyway." I walked past her and tried not to look back. My T shirt was definitly big on her, but is wasn't long enough to cover her knee's. If she raised her arms, I was pretty sure I could see her panties. _Okay...yeah...not going there._

"Do you have any mouth wash?"

"Yeah, it's in the cabinet underneath the sink." I felt relieved when she walked inside the bathroom and shut the door.

It didn't take very long for her to return, and I had already pulled back the covers so she could quickly get under them, and I could tuck her in like a good brother.

"You must be exhausted, come get in bed."

She obeyed and I watched as her tiny fame disappeared under the big duvet cover. Okay, now it was safe to lay beside her, though I didn't get under the blanket with her. Instead, I propped up a pillow behind me against the headboard and reclined back into it, shiftting just a bit until I was comfortable, when I turned my body towards her, I noticed that she had pulled the covers down a bit so that her upper body was visible, but everything from the waist down as covered under the sheets. _Thank god. _Okay, I admit it... legs were my weakness. I loved every part of a woman's body, but there was something about a nice pair of killer legs that made me so..

"Jace?"

I tuned out my thoughts and looked at her. "Yes, baby girl?"

"Thank you for today. You know..for everything."

It amazed me how she was so appreciative of everything that I did for her, even the things, probably because she had been so deprive of materialistic luxuries growing up. In some ways I could never forgive my mother for playing _God _with my life, but I knew that I couldn't place all the blame on her..._or Jocelyn._

"Clary, I love spoiling you. Don't consider today as the last time. You have many more shopping sprees to come."

Her eyes lit up as she smiled and moved closer to me, hugging my body while the smell of her strawberry, vanilla shampoo enticed my senses. I brushed her silky hair ack with my fingers, and kissed her on the head. "Close your eyes angel. You need your sleep."

"_Mmmm, you feel so warm."_

I listened to her hum while she rested her head on my chest.

"Can you tell me a story?"

"Aren't you a little too old for stories?" I chuckled a bit because I wasn't expecting that. The way she giggled made me melt, especially when she looked up at me with those emerald green eyes.

"You said you want to make up for lost time. Well, here's your chance. I want to hear my first bedtime story."

"Clary, I'm horrible at story telling." A child was more capable of carrying out such a task.

"You're going to need practice anyway if you and Kaelie are planning to have kids."

That was true. _Dammit._

"What do you think story books are for?"

"Oh come on... _Please bubbie_

She was totally breaking threw my tough guy exterior. I took a deep breath and thought for a moment. Okay, what the hell, how bad could it be? Hopefully my story would bore her to sleep. I cuddled her as she snuggled close to me. "Once upon a time in a faraway land..." _Jeez, how original. _"A beautiful princess was born into the world. Her name was princess Clary."

Her cute laughter made me smile again, and it was distracting me from continuing, but I tried.

"And she was the most gorgeous, precious little child to have ever been seen by anyone who was lucky enough to look upon her angelic face," I played with her hair while I attempted to improvise my narration.

"The King was the youngest King to ever rule the land, and he was devastated when his princess was taken away from him during the night, never to be seen again, He swore that he would never rest until he found his angel, and so he searched far and wide, gathering his knights and forming an army, invading every village and town looking for his long lost princess. He became notoriously known as _The Mad King Jace..."_

I was pretty much babbling for over ten minutes, trying to piece a make belief story together that was themed by real life events, and slowly, but surely, she fell fast asleep. I kissed her head and softly whispered into her hair.

_"After many battles fought, and so much blood shed...he finally found his princess, and King Jace swore he would never let Princess Clary out of his sight again, because she was the only reason why he lived. He existed for her. Without her, his life was meaningless."_

I gently but carefully lay her head down on the pillow and then quietly slipped out of bed. Before leaving the room, I switched off the lamp and grabbed an extra pillow for myself. Tomorrow would be a busy day for me and I wasn't looking forward to it, especially since I knew I wouldn't be seeing Clary in the evening.

oOo

I pulled off my tank top and threw it on the coffee table before I lay down on the sofa. It took me a little while to find my comfy spot, but I eventually decided to lie on my back, folding my hands behind my head against the pillow. There were so many things going through my mind that it made it difficult for sleep to come any sooner. I had this big case that I was working on, and it was stressing me out because it was getting dragged out longer than I expected. Being a corporate lawyer had it's pros and cons. I had never lost a case though. Jace Herondale _didn't lose._

I was worried about my wife. I was retty sure Kaelie was getting addicted to cosmetic plastic surgery. Last year she got two breat implant replacements, liposuction on her stomach and thighs, and a brow lift. I had this huge fight with her before coming here because she wanted to get more collagen lip injections. I told her I didn't want to kiss fish lips and see a permanent trout pout on my wife, and we argued back and forth about how she hated her lips, blah, blah, blah. Long story short I threatened to divorce her if she did it. (Which I wouldn't), but I felt like an asshold when she started crying, telling me that she had always felt insecure about her image and that she just wanted to look perfect,

The hell is wrong with women? I mean, they blame us men for promoting all these painful beauty practises when they're the ones who are _insisting _to go under the knife while we're more than happy with their natural beauty.

I never forced her or suggested that she get a pair of fake silicone tits. In fact, one of the reasons why I popped the question to Kaelie in the first place was because out of all the women that I was aquainted with, she was the most down to earth and genuine person.

Six months into are marriage she started hanging out with all the wives of my partners at the firm and I guess the influence of those middle aged _Barbies_ disorted her outlook on beauty. The glamour of living in Hollywood life had really rubbed off on her and now I was living with a cast mate from Real _Housewives of Beverly Hills, _in the replacment of the woman I married.

I tried not to upset myself with such thoughts as I grabbed my cellphone and set my alarm so that I wouldn't sleep in. When I looked up, I saw Clary standing right above me. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, so I was able to see the terrified expression on her face. "Clary? Are you alright?"

"I had a nightmare..."

She was shaking, and instinctively I sat up and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward me. She curled up in my lap and started to cry.

"Sweetheart, talk to me. It's okay, it was just a nightmare." I tried to console her as best as I could while she covered her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered.

"Don't hide you face. It's okay to cry," I gently removed her hand and whiped her tears away with my thumb.

"You were gone, I woke up and you had left. I tried to call your phone but it was disconnected, and all your things were missing." she sounded like she was having a panic attack. It broke my heart.

"Clary, I haven't left. I promised you I would never leave. It was just a nightmare angel. You don't have to be afraid. Look at me. Look into my eyes."

She slowly tilted her head upand met my gaze. "Do you love me?" her vulnerability moved me.

"More than I love anyone else in my life."

**Authors Note: Heey guys there's a "Hot" scene with Jace and Clary right below so if you don't want to read it then all you have to do is scroll down and I'll tell you when it's over (: enjoy.**

"_Then prove it," _she suddenly shifted her weight so that she was sitting astride, facing me. Then she did something that completely caught me off guard. The white oversized T shirt that I had given her to wear slid right off her body. Within a blink of an eye she threw it over her head and tossed it behind her. _Oh, fuck. _She was wearing a black push up bra with blue lace panties and I was officially freaking out.

"Clary, what are you-"

I wasn't able to finish because my hands had suddenly landed on her breasts, and I swear this didn't happen on my own free will. She _grabbed_ my wrists and placed them there.

"I know you want me."

"Stop this! You're my sister!" I pulled my hands away, but she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and moved her body in closer to mine, locking me in place.

"You don't love me?" there was a palpable pain in her eyes, and it was weighing down my chest, because I wanted nothing more than to take that agony away, but how? What was she asking of me?

"I do, more than my life," my heart was beating so fast, reminding me of my near death experience when I almost overdosed eight years ago.

"Then show me."

I was desperately trying to shackle myself to a wall in my mind, but she was standing right infront of me, almost naked, and the animal within wanted to break free and ravage her. Her hands brushed up and down my chest before she leaned in and kissed my neck. My body reacted and I had an instant hard on, pressing right against her barely there panities. Good god, I needed to stop this.

"Clary, stop! I _said stop!" _I lost control of my temper as I roughly grabbed her shoulders and shoved her away from me. I meant to use a stern tone, applying an authoritative disciplinary big brother tatic, but I wound up sounding like a raging crazed maniac in dire need of anger management, and to make matters worse, I didn't think I quite knew my own strength, because I made her recoil from me. She rubbed the area where my hands were with tears in her eyes. I felt like shit.

"I'm...I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell or hurt you."

"No, it's my mistake. Of course you wouldn't want me."

I watched her run into the bedroom and before I could catch up and go after her, she walked out with her jeans on, throwing her shirt over her head and turning on the light so she could find her coat and shoes.

This was bad. She was going to leave me. _No, no, no, no!_

_"_Clary, wait! Where are you going?" I was panicking, as I rushed towards her and grabbed her arm.

"I'm leaving. I can't stay here another minute."

"It's the middle of the night, I can't let you go and walk the streets at this hour!" I was desperately trying to control my splintering temper.

"Let go of me!" she yanked her arm away and grabbed her jacket.

How could this be happening? _How?_

I've cried only twice in my life, at that was when I was extremely young, and the second time when I had gotten so high and drunk that I wanted to kill myself from the guilt I felt for abandoning my sister. This was going to be the third time, I was going to allow myself to break down because she was going to leave me and I was desperate for her not to go.

"Clary, Clary- listen to me," fresh hot tears hazed my vision as I stepped in front of the entrance door, blocking her route of escape. She wouldn't look at me, but I could see tears in her eyes.

"Move, Jace!"

"No! Look at me!" My voice was strained with emotion while I yelled at her, masking my hurt with anger. Those beautiful angelic eyes looked up at me, mascara and eyeliner running down her cheeks, and it just broke my heart a thousand times over, I wiped her tears and makeup from her face. My adrenaline spiked into overdrive, I was achingly constricted in my boxer briefs, and I was trying to pull myself together at the same time.

"Take off you jacket."

"No."

"Take it off."

"No! Why!?"

_"Why are you so stubborn!? Take it off!" _I closed the gap between us, unzipped her coat, and pulled it off her body with force as it fell to the ground. I didn't know what the fuck was happening, but I could sense all self-control abandoning me with every passing second. I swallowed hard, and searched her eyes. She was scared of me, I could see it, and I could feel it. _Good._ My inner beast was breaking the shackles off from the wall, and soon there would be nothing left to hold me back from her.

"You don't love me! You don't care about me!" She was furiously emotional, and I wanted to pull her in my arms to convince her otherwise.

"You don't know half of what I feel for you, Clary..." I controlled the anger in my voice and stared at her with such intensity that made her back away, feeling intimidating by me.

My right wrist went free as the metal shackles fell to the ground, and now there was only the left side binding me, keeping me chained to the wall. My inner demon was wild and struggling to free itself from the subconcious prison in my mind.

Clary took another step back and I matched my footsteps.

"I hate you! I hate you, Jace!"

"The line between love and hate is very thin, Clary." My chest was completely exposed and I let her stab dagger after dagger into my heart, because I was her brother, and I could survive it. But I still refuse to cry infront of her.

"I want to go home. Take me home!" She stood her ground, and challenged me.

I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw, focusing all my strength, as the gatekeeper that protected all my subsconcious thoughts walked away from the door that said _DO NOT ENTER. _He knew fully well what was going to happen behind that door, and he knew there was no point in protecting it anymore, because he had gained full knowledge that I was completely aware of what was behind it.

I watched myself finally break free of my left shackle, while I rubbed both my wrists before I walked through the forbidden threshold. There was nothing and no one left to restrain my demon now... and there she was, on the other side of the door. I was staring right at angel eyes.

"Take your shirt off."

Everything happened so slow in my head. It seemed hard to believe that only three seconds had gone by this entire time.

She looked at me, confused, placing one foot behind her. I took a step closer to her, like a maddened, hungry wolf. "Take if off, everything. _Now."_

Clary didn't move, she stood still, frozen in shock.

"Am I not making myself clear?" I reached for the buttons of her jeans and unfastened them, unzipping her fly and then pulled her pants down aggressively. There was too much adrenaline coursing through my body, and I was more beast than man at the moment.

She pulled off her shirt and stepped out of her jeans.

"You win, Clary." I grabbed her ad lifted her over my shoulder, then walked into the bedroom where I threw her down on the bed. She gasped as I effortlessly ripped her underwear off, revealing the most beautiful cunt I had ever seen. It was evident that she was waxed.

"You little liar you said you were a virgin."

"I am!"

"Well, I guess I'm about to find out."

"Jace please be gentle."

But I couldn't, and I wouldn't. The idea that another man had been inside her was making me crazy. _I needed to claim her._ I quickly disrobed and leaned forward so that I was on top of her, in between her legs. My cock was dripping with precum and I needed release badly. She was breathing so hard, looking up at me with those innocent little eyes. No, they weren't innocent. Clary spreads her legs for me as I grabbed my dick and shoved all nine and a half inches inside of her in one forceful thrust, skipping foreplay and going strait to penetration, because the wolf inside of me desired it. She screamed as soon as I buried my shaft deep inside her. The crushing reality hit me hard. She wasn't lying, I just took her virginity. My whole body was quivering in so mch pleasure that I could hardly breathe.

"Oh Jeezus, fuck! You're so tight!" My chest heaved up and down as I kept my cock inside her, throbbing and stretching the walls of her virgin hole. It was too late to stop, and turn back. I _needed _to penetrate her. I need to fill her up with my seed.

"Jace, it hurts," she whimpered with tears filling her eyes. The wolf within backed away, satisfied with his conquest as the man emerged from behind him, taking control over the beast. I leaned forward, tenderly kissing her face and eyes while I slowly moved in and out of her tight, slick entrance. She snaked her arms around my neck and I felt her warm lips press against mine. They felt so familiar and the sensation was only making me desire her more. Clary parted her sensuous lips, inviting my tongue inside as I took her, drinking her soul in a heated kiss.

"Don't you dare leave me Clary." I kissed her with unrelenting passion, biting and tugging on her lower lip before I devoured her with my cock, If this was sin, then we were both drowning in it.

She held my face and stared into my eyes so seductively that I was pretty sure I would come on the spot. "Fuck me _please."_ she was begging me and I couldn't resist any longer. Those magic words were all it took to get me to unlock my beast from it's cage so it could come out and play, because after that, the only sounds that you could be heard were my balls slapping against her tight wet cunt and her lusftul moans crying out in pain and pleasure as I filled her to the hilt, thrusting harder and faster.

It was the most erotic pleasure I had ever felt in my life. She was going to be my new addiction that I wouldn't be able to kick. The rushing high that I felt from slamming my cock into my sister's wet cunt rivaled any drug induced high I had ever felt in the past. There was no way to rehabilitate myself after this. I would only want more and more like a junkie addicted to crack cocaine. She was going to be the death of me.

Her quick and shallow breaths felt hot against my skin as she dug her nails into my back. I hid my face in the of her neck and groaned in pleasure, biting down on her shoulder. She moaned for me.

"You feel so good inside of me... don't stop, please don't stop."

"Are you on the pill?" Fuck she was going to make me explode.

"No." Clary breathed.

"Shit, I need to pull out."

"No! Please don't, I want to feel you fill me up."

_Oh fuck me. _I wanted nothing more than that.

"Baby if I don't, I'll knock you up."

"I don't care."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! _I couldn't find the iner strength to pull out of her. It felt like she was milking me cock with every stroke in and out. I was ready to shoot wave after wave of cum inside her. I just wanted to flood her with all my cum, so that once she'd stand up it would drip out of her pretty little pussy.

"You belong inside me." She was reading my mind.

_"Fuck, _Clary... what are you doing to me?" I pulled back and stared into her eyes, her cheeks were flush and there was perspiration around her forehead. She smirked at me, wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me forward so she could lick my lips, teasing me as I caught the tip of her tongue and sucked it back before my lips crashed down onto hers. Lips, teeth and tongue all collided together, moving in unison while I supported my weight above her, invading her body with the reproductive organ.

This was wrong. Oh god, it was so wrong, but it felt so good, and it felt so right.

"Tell me you love me, Jace."

"I do, I fucking do so much." I expressed in between kisses, as I picked up my rhythm, ignoring all the risks and dangers while I worked towards my release, and just as I was about to cum, I heard my cell phone ring. Ignoring it seemed impossible because it sounded like it was ringing right next to my ear.

_What the fuck?_

_"Oh god Jace..." _Clary was moaning my name, and I was about to take her over the edge with me, when the ringing started again. I slowed my pace down.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The ringing."

"I don't hear anything." She replied.

I heard something vibrate on the night stand, and when I turned my head, expecting to find my cellphone, I saw nothing there.

**Authors note: Okay guys It's over ! You can continue now.**

Suddenly my eyes snapped open, and I found myself fully clothed sleeping next to my sister on the bed. I had my arms wrapped around her in a spooning position and she was still under the covers while I was laying over them. Half asleep, rock hard and completely bewildered, I turned and reached over to find my mobile.

It was almost four in the morning when I read the caller ID. My college buddy Casey had called me, probably drunk off his ass. He usually had this tendency to drunk text and call in the middle of the night. When I checked my text messages, my suspicions were confirmed. I couldn't make any sense at all of what he was trying to say, I always joked with him and told him that an incompetent monkey was able to text better than him while intoxicated.

Anyway, I slowly got out of bed and made my way towards the bathroom, There was a traffic jam of thoughts in my head, and I felt sick to my stomach as guilt washed over me. What kind of brother was I? Dreaming about fucking my own sister...I woke up fully aroused and was _still _thinking about those images and shouldn't have beenthere. It was shameful.

Her feral moans echoed in my ears as I stood infront of the mirror and smacked myself in the head three timesin a fit of rage. Nope, self inflicted punishment didn't make the feeling disappear. I turned on the tap and washed my face with ice cold water, refusing to jerk off because my subconcience was married with enough guilt. Instead, I took a moment to calm down before I exited the bathroom, and left Clary to sleep in the bedroom without me.

I must've fallen asleep while telling her that story.

When I finally lay down on the sofa, I felt an overwhelming relief. There was no explanation as to why I would dream something like that, but I was thankful to the dear lord himself that it was only a dream. No, not a dream a _nightmare_ a sick nightmare that still had me hard as a rock, which only added to my mentally disturbed state.

_What the fuck was wrong with you Jace? _If this happened one more time, I was calling you my shrink. There was no way in hell that I could ever initiate sex with my sister. I'd rather be castrated or have my arms sawed off. She was my little sister. But still it just didn't make sense as to why I could even subconciously think about looking at her as some...sex object. Perhaps this was God's way of punishing me for turning my back on him. Maybe I needed some sort of church intervention and become a born again christian.

I closed my eyes and tried to forget the sensation of what it felt like to be inside of her body...how good it felt...

_Jesus fucking christ...I was going to hell._


	10. I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 10

I Shouldn't Feel This Way Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Hey guys sorry I haven't been updating alot I've been busy studying for mid terms but I'll try and update once every week but here you guys go chapter 10 hope you like it.**

**Clary**

"You're joking right? You completely understand what I just asked you?"

I was standing in the kitchen with my mother while she prepared a chicken casserole for dinner. School was excruciating boring and I was a little disappointed to come back to our shabby apartment after having spent the night at my brothers lavish hotel room.

"Yes Clary, I understand and I think it'll be good for you if you go and live with your brother for the rest of the year."

I could hardly believe my ears.

"Good riddance!" My dad yelled out from the living room. My dad was glued to the television as usual with a beer in his hand.

I ignored his snotty comment and handed the black pepper shaker to my mom.

"Don't listen to him. He's just teasing you." She tried to make me feel better.

_Right... _I knew Valentine was ecstatic I was leaving.

oOo

Dineer was a total drag. Throughtout the entire time that I was sat at the table, I couldn't get my mind off my brother. I kept hoping he would text me, but he didn't. I guess he was busy. I mean, he hadn't texted or called all day, was he mad at me? Was he having second thoughts about inviting me to come live with him? I was totally panicking in my mind, so much that it was making me lose my appetite.

"May I be excused?"

"No, sit down and eat your damn meal." Valentine grumbled with a mouth full of casserole.

"But I feel sick, I can't finish the rest."

My dad pounded his fist down on the table so hard that the plates and ustensils bounced. "Eat your damn food! What are you teaching your younger sister? _Goddamn anorexic..."_

I stood up, my hands shaking from anger. "I'm _not _anorexic."

"Clary, sit down. Valentine please, it's been a rough day."

"You need to discipline her better Jocelyn! She's your daughter!"

"My daughter? She's our daughter!"

They started arguing back and forth while I just stood there, almost catatonic, watching them.

"Not anymore since that son of a gun has come to claim his bastard sister!"

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the plate full of steaming hot mashed potatoes and slammed it right in his face. It was fight or flight.

"Clary!" My mother looked mortified, in shock while my brothers and sisters laughed.

"You fucking bitch! I'm going to whip you for this!"

I couldn't have left the dining room any quicker, as I sprinted down the hallway to my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me locking it. There were tears in my eyes and I was panicking because I knew that lock wouldn't hold. Valentine was like a ginormous angry bull, he wouldn't stop until he had his horns digging into me, causing maximum damage.

I leaned my weight against my white dresser and pushed it so that it was covering the door. Seconds later, the psychotic bull began to pound his body against the barricaded surface that divided predator from prey.

"You little bitch let me in!"

My hands trembled, as I managed to pull my phone out of my pocket and send Jace a text.

_Text message from Clary to Jace:_

**Can you plz come and get me? Im home. Valentine has gone psycho.**

My dad kept slamming his body against the door, attempting to break the lock as my dresser rocked back and forth. I was scared, because I knew that if he got in, he would pull out his belt, hold me down, and flog me until I bled.

"Valentine, stop! Stop this now!"

"That fucking whore nearly burnt my face off!"

"Please! I beg you, stop! Let me talk to her!"

I heard my mom cry out in pain, probably because he most likely shoved her against the wall.

_Please, please text me back, _It was all I could think about and he wasn't responding. As much as I hated to disturb him from whatever he was doing, it was a big time, SOS situation for me, so i dialed Jace's number and prayed he would pick up. Meanwhile, Valentine kept yelling and pounding on the door.

_You've reached Jace Herondale, please leave your name and number after the tone, and I will get back to you as soon as possible."_

Shit! Why, _why did I have to piss him off like that? _It was too late for regret. My dad was jabbing some sort of screw driver into the lock, and I was like cornered, vulnerable prey.

I glanced at my window and opened it. It was definitely a long way down, and I had no idea how the hell I would get down there, but there was enough space for me to walk along the ledge to get over to the unit next to us. My only chance was to tap on the window and pray that te neighbours would let me in so I could escape through the door of their apartment.

I threw on my black leather jacket, grabbed my hand bag and stepped out onto the ledge. Luckily I wasn't wearing heels, just a pair of black converse sneakers. I avoided looking down and moved my body, side stepping carefully, while my boobs were pressed against the brick wall of the building. It didn't take me very long to reach the neighbor's living room window. They were an elderly couple, and I rarely ever spoke to the old woman, but whenever she saw me in the hallway I would politely smile at her and say hi.

I tapped on the glass and some younger woman appeared out of the corner of the room and opened the window.

"Who are you? What are you doing outside my parents window sill?"

My face and finger tips were freezing as I struggled to explain

They had the television on loud, so they probably couldn't hear Valentine shouting and attempting to break my door down, but it only took the woman a few seconds to hear Valentine's violent cursing before she helped me inside. Now she understood why I was standing outside the ledge of their window sill.

"Do you want to call the police?"

"No, no, please don't." I really didn't want to get my mom into trouble. I was this close to leaving this shit hole, and tonight was my fault. I provoked Valentine.

Quickly apologizing to my neighbhours, I ran out of the apartment, and bolted toward the exit door because the elevator took forever to wait on. I went down what seemed to be an endless flight of stairs , until I reached a door and ushed through it. My feet finally hit the pavement. _Freedom at last._

I sprinted away from my apartment building, reaching a deserted alleyway. Hopefully he wouldn't come after me, I prayed he wouldn't.

Pulling out my cellphone, I attempted to try Jace again. _Dammit, my battery was dead_. There was no way of reaching my bother now, unless a payphone would magically apear, and most of the payphones were taken down in my neighborhood.

I fished for my wallet in my hand bag, thank god I had some cash I walked out of the alleyway to signal a cab. My next destination was clear in my head.

oOo

**Jace**

My evening had been a dull one to say the leaast. I was having dinner with one of m college buddies from law school who had joined a firm in NYC some years back. We were at some high end resturant, discussing one of his cases, a consumer's products liabitlity case. The conversation was boring and the food wasn't the best, but that wasn't what made my evening so terrible. What made it absolutely horrible was finding out that I had turned my cellphone on silent, and then only realizing this after getting into my car.

There was one missed call from Clary, and my heart dropped as soon as I read her text message. Her cellphone was off when I tried calling her back, and this only made me worry more. I turned on the engine and floored it to that prick's apartment.

oOo

No one was answering when I buzzed their number, and Clary's phone was still off. I was about to call Jocelyn when luckily someone walked out the entrance door, giving me the opportunity to slip inside.

The dysfunctional pair were arguing so loud that the neighbor's could have heard them. My sister was all I could think about in that moment as I pounded my fist on the door.

There was momentary silence, and then the door unlocked. Jocelyn looked like she had been crying. This was bad, real bad I let myself inside scanned the perimeter of the room. There was silence, which led me to believe that their kids weren't home. Good.

"Where's Clary?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are barging in uninvited?" he was definitly a big guy alright, big as in all his weight was in his belly. The man had a beer gut the size of a nine month pregnant lady.

"Where is my sister!?" I ignored the fat prick and frantically searched the room and hallway. There was a door at the end of the hall that looked like it was destroyed with a baseball bat.

"Jace..._Jace she's gone!"_

My whole world flipped upside down when I walked in, because the surrouding evidence in the room was enough for me to orchestrate exactly what took place earlier. In a panic, I leaned out the window, praying to God I wouldn't find her body lying dead on the ground, and I was relived to see only a half filled dumpster below, but it didn't make my volcanic rage simmer down.

"You motherfucking son of a bitch..."

Any ounce of civility I had went out the window along with my sister as I strode past Jocelyn and stormed off towards the coward who was going to shamelessly beat on my sister. I was going to teach him a lesson he would never forget.

"Jace! Please! Stop!"

I grabbed the Son of a bitch by the collar and pulled him into an empty bedroom, shutting the door and dodging his punch before I swung with my right fist, smshing the bones on the left side of his face, and then punching him again in the nose. I stunned him with enough pain that gave me the oppertunity to strike a blow in his gut. He kneeled over, as I kicked him to the floor. I wasn't satisfied yet, far from it. Unleashing my inner psycho, I got on top of him and punched his face in, alternating fists

I was trained in boxing and mixed martial arts, but clearly this guy coulnd't throw a punch to save his life.

"You're going to kill him!"

All I could see was red as Jocelyn grabbed my shoulders and pulled me off of him. I rose to my feet and circled the bastard like a vulture, screaming and yelling, disenganging my merciless madness on him. After a while, Valentine's face was unrecognizable and he was bleeding profusely from both notrils and mouth.

"Who's a tough guy now!? Huh? You abusive fucker! This is the last time you ever see your wife and kids again."

I kicked him hard in the ribs in one striking blow, before I assaulted him again repeatedly, three times.

_"Stop!" _she was crying hysterically and it was only making me crazier.

_"Get the fuck out of the room,!" _I shouted furiously.

"No! Plaese stop, I don't want the police to show up!"

"Why? Does he have a record? Let me guess, assault and battery. You married a fucking criminal?"

The fucker groaned and clutched his ribs, while he coughed up some blood on their cheap carpet.

I noticed his belt on his bed, and then looked down at his trousers. It didn't take me very long to put two and two together. He was going to use it as a torture weapon on my sister. Whatever self control I had, escaped me in three short seconds as I grabbed the belt, coiled it around his throat and pulled his weight upwards while I sat on the edge of the bed, chocking him like the psycho I became.

"Say hello to the Grim Reaper asshole!" I tightened my grasp on the leather belt, pulling while he chocked and struggled to break free. Jocelyn was screaming and slapping my arms but I wouldn't release him from my death grip.

"Jace please! Let him go! He can't breathe!"

No, I wouldn't let him go. Not until I disgraced the rucker.

"Slap him, Slap him across the face!" I growled at her

"What!? No! Just let him go!"

"I said slap him now or I'll choke him to death!" I squeezed my grip on the belt an watched her face go pale from fear. She cried, her eyes pleading for me to show some sort of mercy.

"You fucking bitch, I can't believe you allow him to raise a hand on your daughter! My sister! While you still have the audacity to defend this scumbag? _Slap him in his fucking face!" _I violently screamed at Jocelyn.

Clearly I had pressed the right button and gave her just enough of a push, because she finally surrendered to my will and slapped her husband across the face, screaming and crying at the same time. Whether she was motivated by my influence or motivated by her instincts to keep him alive, it didn't matter to me. I was relishing the moment.

_"Harder" _I tugged on the belt so hard that his eyes were nearly popping out, and I took a great gratification in hearing the sound of his garbled breaths. "Now tell him what a fucking failure of a father he is! Tell him!" I was livid as I stared her down with murderous eyes.

"Jace..._please." _Her mascara was runny and her badly highlighted aurburn hair looked like a tousled mop on her hear.

"Slap him and say it you bitch!" I was yelling so loud that I was sure that my voice was vibrating the walls.

She finally succumbed to me and started to slap the low life across the face, repeating whatever mantra of words I told her to recite, like a good submissive slave.

"_You're a failure! You failed me! You failed us! You had no right to hurt Clary ever! You have no right to hurt me or hit me!" _Well, Well, Well, it seemed that the asshole had a tendency to beat on his wife as well. This only fed my rage more so, I didn't like Jocelyn, but violence against women was just plain wrong, and any man who raised his hand on a woman wasn't a man at all.

It was like I had possessed her body and she was finally giving that good for nothing the punishment of his life _humiliation_, I could feel the power I had over her, and I was truly in my element complete and totally unristricted power and contro. It was like a rush.

When I felt satisfied with her assault on her husband, I fastened the belt around his neck like a collar and dragged him across the floor, out of their bedroom. The man's face was beet red and bloddied from my own personal beatings.

"Are you enjoying this, Valentine?" I couldn't recognize my own voice, because a twisted version of my former self had taken over my dark doppleganger.

He chocked continuosly and tried to free himself from the belt that I had wound around his throat, but I wouldn't let him escape that easily. Instead, I dragged his fat ass down the hall, into Clary's bedroom.

"Let's re-enact a scenario that I'm sure took place many times in this room while in my absense." I grinned wickedly while unbuckling the belt, quickly unraveling it from his neck while he gasped for breath. The heel of my shoe met his raggedy ass while I kicked him to the ground and reached down to rip his under shirt in half with my bare hands.

His back was now exposed and I was ready to unleash my wrath on him. Curling the brown belt around the palm of my hand, I began to whip him, flogging him relentlessly as he cried out in pain. Everytime he trie to get back up, I kicked him, with a hard blow to the rib or spine. My blood was thrumming in my veins as y adrenaline cranked on overdrive.

Every painfull moan that escaped his lips was like music to my ears. I didn't was to stop. I felt like a maestro conducting a beautiful symphony of pain, and once I was done performing my masterpiece, I would be well recieved with a standing ovation from a crowd filled with women and children who suffred abuse.

"Don't you ever, _ever_ lay your grubby, slimy hands on my sister again! I won't even give you the oppertunity! If I find out that you've laid a finger on your wife and kids, your ass is going to behind bars. You sick fuck! Do you hear me!?" I flogged him over and over again until bloody welt marks appeared on his skin.

"_You're the sick fuck!" _He sputtered.

I had completely zoned out into my own little universe of pain, when I heard Jocelyn's voice echoing in the backround

"Jace! Stop this! My kids have arrived home! Please don't do this in front of them! Stop, I beg you!"

_"Mommy... what's happening?"_

"Go to your room Cole!"

The voices kept echoing as I reluctantly dropped the belt. My chest was heaving up and down while I pushed my raging demon back inside his padlocked cell. I had gone completely beserk.

"Get the hell out of our apartment!" Jocelyn yelled at me as I abandoned the good for nothing meat slab on the floor. My fists were bleeding and my freshly laundred suit and tie was all soiled from sweat. There was no point in asking her where my sister was. It was clear that she had no idea where Clary escaped to.

_"You're a sadistic bastard! Im pressing charges!"_

That asshole was brave enough to cuss me out now that I was a good safe distance away from him.

"Go ahead! Please do it! I dare you!"

I had no desire to go back and beat on him, even though I knew I could. My job here was done. His threats were meaningless. I put him in his place, and my blood lust was sated. Now I just needed to find my sister.

oOo

**Clary **

I made myself comfortable inside my brother's luxurious hotel suite. Unfortunately, the concierge downstairs hadn't recognize me when I walked him. Yesterday my brother pretty much introduced me as his sister to anyone who engaged him in a conversation. The hotel manager was present when we had checked in, and Jace briefly told him about how we were reunited again. He seemed really happy for us, and was a very friendly middle aged man. He ended up giving my brother his personal buisness card in case he ever needed anything. I was lucky he was there when I arrived at the hotel lobby, because the other employees behind the desk weren't going to let me up that easily. I told the manager that my cellphone was dead and that I was trying to reach my brother. So he called Jace and left him a voice mail to let him know I was waiting for him at the hotel. He was also kind enough to give me a room key, escorting me to my brother's suite so I could safely wait for him.

So there I was sitting on the sofa waiting for Jace to return, and I was still a little shaken up by the events that happend earlier. But I was grateful to be in a calm enviorment. I just needed to see him. I needed him to hold me and tell me that I wouldn't ever have to live with my mom and dad again. At the same time in the back of my mind, I was getting paranoid all these '_what ifs' _kept popping up in my head.

Almost an hour had passed since I invaded his space, and I just couldn't sit still. So I kept pacing around the window, praying that he would walk in any minute now. That's when something caught my attention the front door began to unlock.

There he was, in all his glory... My brother had finally returned.

"Clary?" He settled his brief case down on the ground, and I immediatly ran into his arms.

"I've been looking all over for you. Where the hell have you been? I came back to the hotel as soon as I recieved that message from the manager." His body felt tense, and he sounded angry, but I didn't want to let him go. I needed to feel his amrs around me, and I qanted to breathe him in for as long as possible.

"I called you and sent you a text but you didn't respond, so I sort of... ran away." I buried my face in his chest as he pulled me in closer to his body.

"Why haven't you been answering your calls?" Jace grabbed my shoulders and gently pulled me off of him so he could look at my face.

"My cellphone battery died."

I noticed the cuts and bruises as soon as he dropped his hands.

"Oh my God Jace, what happened?"

"Don't worry about it." He took off his trench coat and walked inside.

_But I did worry about it. _"Did you..." It took me a moment todraw my own conclusion. "Get into a fight with Valentine?"

He was silent again.

"You beat him up, didn't you?" I was facing him now.

"He had it coming." He muttered bitterly.

I brought his hands together to inspect them closer, but he pulled away.

"I just need some ice and the swelling will go down."

"Um no, you don't just need some ice. You need to clean those cuts first. Do you have a first aid kit?"

He studied my face for a moment , clenching his jaw before he answered me. "Medicine cabinet in the bathroom."

"Let's get you patched up then." I pulled on his arm and made him follow me to the bathroom.

Jace was wearing a dark gray suit followed by a white dress shirt. He removed his blazer and then rolled up his sleeves while I opened the first aid kit and sat on the counter. There were cuts around his knuckles that were still bleeding and he rinsed it off with water first.

I was prepared to rub Iodine on the wounds when he stopped me.

"Hydrogen Peroxide, Iodine, Rubbing alcohol, all that stuff makes it worse when the skin is broken. That's why doctors use it to clean an area before surgery. But when there's a cut, all of the above can be toic to skin cells, because it slows down the healin. It's killing healthy cells, and that stinging from the rubbing alcohol? That stuff hurts because it's wiping out healthy tissue. The most effective way to clean a wound is to flush out the bacteria and debris with water."

I looked at him inquisitively. "Did you drop med school before you decided on a law career?"

"It's common sense, not difficult stuff to remember." His lips were curved up into a half smile as he glanced at me and chuckled.

"Well, I'll remember that next time." I matched his smile and put the bottle of Iodine away.

He shook the water off his hands while I grabbed some guaze to wrap around his injured knuckles.

"Did he try to hit you?"

Jace sighed and stared at the hand that was getting bandaged.

_Nurse Clary to the rescue ._

"No. I went after him. The damage done to your bedroom door is what first caugt my eye when I came in looking for you, and when I walked in and saw that you had moved your dresser to block off the doorway, that's all it took to make me go psychotic, because I figured out what had happened. I beat him up bad."

"When you say bad...do you mean.._hospitalized-bad?"_

He met my gaze and I had to blink a few times because it was impossible to stare at him for longer than three seconds. Those eyes were a health hazard for my heart.

"Probably." he answered, wryly. "I don't regret it though."

My brother was definitly indiffrent about it. Maybe in his mind, it was some sort of accomplishment.

Confront the Dad: **Check**

Threaten him: **Check**

Beat up the dead to a bloody pulp:** Check**

I felt this overwhelming amount of love for him, so much that it was too difficult to describe in words.

"I'm so sorry I didn't get there sooner, Clary." He softened his expression, as the violent waves in his eyes settled into calm waters.

"Jace, it's okay. It's not like you were expecting me to call you. I'm sure you want to know what happened."

"No, actually I don't because whatever it was you said or did, you don't deserve to be physically abused, and don't ask me what I did to him either." Those eyes went from calm to turbulent waves in a matter of seconds.

"I threw a plate of hot mashed potatoes in his face."

There was a five second silence, and then he threw his head back laughing, which made me laugh as well.

"Well, serves him right. I guess we both taught that bastard a lesson tonight."

I smiled at him and finished bandaging his other hand. "I just hate that you're hurt." There was a pouty expression on my face.

"Don't worry about it baby girl. It doesn't even hurt. I dont feel pain."

"That's impossible." I countered back, arching an eyebrow at him.

"I don't feel physical pain, just..." he paused for a moment "A _diffrent_ kind of pain."

I understood him.

"I wish I could heal you."

He smiled at me and caressed my cheek tenderely. "You do, more than you'll ever know."

I felt the air shift between us again as his eyes softened, warming me with his penetrating stare.

"I don't want you to go back there, _Ever."_

"But what about my things?"

"I don't care. I'll replace all your things with better things. We'll take the next flight out of here on sunday."

I couldn't help but smile as I hopped down from the counter and hugged his body. He always smelled so good, like after shave, cologne, and his body wash all fused into one. I shivered when he wrapped his arms around me, and gasped slighty when his hand slid up the side of my shirt, rubbing the dimpled area of my lower back. Maybe it was an accident, but it made me hug him even tighter, desperate to feel more skin on skin contact.

Jace took a deep breath and kissed the side of my head. "You really scared me tonight," He whispered in my ear, and I trembled in his arms, affected by his seductive undertone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I whispered back.

"I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you again, Clary."

The vulnerability in his voice was bringing tears to my eyes. I blinked them away and withdrew, holding his face while I stared up at him, losing all sense of time and place.

"You just got me back. You won't lose me."

His smile seemed sad as he caressed my cheek with his thumb before he grazed it over my bottom lip. It was totally erotic and made my body temperature rise drastically as a heat began to spread from inbetween my thighs.

I wanted to kiss him. Oh God, I wawnted it so badly and I knew it was wrong, but the feeling was there, the desire was there, and ignoring it was just simply impossible. There was some sort of electrical energy bussing between us a magnetic force field pulling us in closer towards each other, or maybe it was just in my head? I prayed that it wasn't, because the way he was staring at me made me feel so naked and feverish.

"I'm glad you came here. I was ready to call the cops."

My chest was filling with so many emotions love, happiness, sadness, compassion, and my body felt dominated by feelings of lust, desire, and arousal.

"I need to hold you." His voice made my stomach tighten in knots as he led me out of the bathroom. Jace was going to cuddle me in bed.

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

I lay down on the mattress, trying my best to hide my excitement as he left the room. He was taking suprisingly long, so I got out of bed and peered outside the bedroom door. He was drinking tiny vodka bottles from the mini bar in the living room. I had no idea why, Did he want to get drunk? Or maybe he actually _was _in pain and needed some liquor to relax.

I bounced back into bed when I saw him approaching. He didn't look intoxicated...yet.

_Oh my god, he was unbuttoning his shirt!_

"I want to show you something."

I watched him undo his shirt all the way before he pulled it back over his shoulders so that both of his beautifully sculpted pectoral muscles were in plain sight. He had a tattoo all in black ink. A dragon was wrapped around a bleeding heart that was drawn like an actual human heart. I couldn't hold back my tears when I saw my name tattooed inside of it.

"You were always with me everywhere I went. I got this tattoo when I was nineteen. I wanted to keep you closest to my heart, even though you were physically out of reach."

His words moved me in ways that I never thought were possible as my heart swelled with joy. I wanted nothing more than to show him how much I loved and needed him in that moment.

Jace sat down on the edge of the bed and then reclined his body, resting his head on the pillow. I mounted him, which seemed to catch him off guard before I leaned forward and kissed the tattoo on his chest. His skin felt cool against my warm lips.

He groaned quietly when I kissed him there, and it turned me on. I placed another kiss on his tattoo and then looked up at him.

"I love you, Clary." He reached out and tucked back a strand of my hair behind my ear before he searched my eyes. My lips were burning, and my nipples were hard, I needed him to touch me, I wanted him to kiss me.

"It's hard to believe that you're my brother."

"Why's that sweetheart?" he frowned and sat up, resting his back against the pillow and pulling me in closer so that I was sitting astride, on my knees. It felt relaxing to feel his fingers brushing through my hair.

It was difficult to construct a proper sentence that was related to any coherent thought, because all I could think about was how intimate we were with each other. I felt a whirlwind of emotions, and I couldn't even begin to understand them.

Jace leaned forward and kissed my lower jaw, grazing his lips across my cheek, placing another gentle kiss while he wrapped his arms around my waist and breathed me in.

"Because your old."

Jace let go of me and put his hand over his heart and acted like he was insulted or hurt, "That hurt's if I do say so myself and I am not old!"

"Oh so when you say your old it's okay, but when someone else say it it's not?"

He sat up and studied me for a couple of seconds before he did the most dramatic possible known to any man in this world

"You know what fuck it, I am old." He put the back of his hand on his forehead acting ill and dropped on the bed, making his body create a motion that mimicked turbulence, and rolled over so that he fell on the ground acting hurt, because we were in such a fancy suite the bed happened to be very comfortable and bouncy which made his dramatic act even worse and then him falling to the floor was the icing on the cake.

"Oh my God you are the most dramatic person in the world, Get up!"

"Someone's a little bossy, maybe you should go to bed early tonight."

"I am not bossy! You're just to dramatic for your own good." he got up off the ground and I opened my arms in a hugging gesture like I was some kind of puppet getting her strings tugged on. He accepted willingly and he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my neck. It made everything more affectionate because I was already laying down, and I refused to get up because I was so darn comfy, I mean what can I say I'm a lazy girl.

"I am not a little baby that needs a bedtime."

"Yes you are and yes you do." He kept his face buried in my neck while he spoke.

I tried to slow down my breathing as he moved his hands inside the back of my shirt and massaged the dimples in my lower back. He was doing all kinds of things to me all at once, and I didn't want him to stop.

"I'm sixteen, I'm old enough."

Jace suddenly pulled back and looked at me, Smiling wickedly. " You're sixteen, that's _young enough."_ Oh god, his eyes were just so seductively intense.

I smiled when he kissed my chin. I swear I had never been showered with this much affection in my life up until that moment. My brain kept screaming _'kiss him' _but I was too afraid to even make such an attempt. I dragged my hands down his shoulders and rubed his chest affectionately. He closed his eyes, sighing contentedly while I traced every curve of his muscles with his palms.

Were brothers and sisters allowed to touch each other this way? I didn't think so, but it didn't bother me. In fact, I wanted more. I wanted so _much more _with Jace.

I was taken by suprise when he leaned forward and kissed the center of my chest, right between my breasts. It wasn't like he kissed my naked skin, I had a shirt on... but still... it was hot.

"I love you so much." His bright gold eyes stared into me, warming my body with his spell binding gaze. If there was such a thing as reincarnation, I was positive that someone as beautiful and attractive as my brother would only walk this earth once every thousand years.

My heart so badly wanted to say it back, but I was afraid to say it out loud and I wasn't sure why. If only he would let me show him. He pressed his forehead against my chest and I wrapped my arms around him, kneading my fingers through the back of his hair.

"Why do I feel this way about you?" he said taking me by suprise

I was confused. _"Why do you feel that you love me? _Er...I'm not sure."

"No, thats not what I meant," he grabbed my hips and slowly caressed them. "I wasn't expecting you to be so...perfect."

The contact made my breath quiver as I shut my eyes and tried to ignore my arousal.

"You're perfect, Clary." Jace slowly withdrew, while I opened my eyes to meet his gaze.

I swallowed hard and parted my lips to speak, "Thank you, but no I'm not really I'm not." I shook my head in protest.

He held my face and drew his lips closer, placing a kiss on both my cheeks, then my forehead, my nose and my chin. I was smiling like an idiot. His lips felt warm and made my skin tingle in the most pleasureable way.

"You have no idea how much power you posses over a man. I feel sorry for the boys at your school."

I giggled in response and thought about wanting to possess _him._ "I wasn't expecting to feel this way about you..." Oh god, I said it.

He leaned up and searched my eyes and then moved over to lay next to me, he moved in closer to me and spooned me. His naked chest was pressed right against my back, and I trembled when his hand caressed my hip, wrapping around my stomach, freeing a swarm of butterflies that fluttered about inside me.

He kissed my right shoulder and I shivered when he brushed his hand up and down my tummy. My nipples were so erect, I was thankful that he couldn't see. That wouldv'e been embarrassing.

"So tell me, how do you feel?"

Jace's lips grazed my ear lobe, sending goose bumps all down my arms.

I took a moment to breathe and think carefully about how I would answer that question. Being in his arms, like this felt like the closest thing to paradise, and I didn't want to be kicked out of there just yet.

"I feel...something...between us." Panic, anxiety,fear, those were all the emotions that rushed into my bloodstream.

He pulled me in closer to his body and caressed my hip and stomach with a lazy hand. I shut my eyes and tried to breathe as he slid his hand up higher so that his fingertips were resting right under my breasts, barely touching. I breathed out slightly and licked my lips as he stroked my ribcage. There was a part of me that just wanted to turn over and flaunt my chest so he could see what he was doing to me, and in that moment, that devious side took over as I twisted my body and layed flat on my back, staring at him.

"I feel something too.." His eyes were drenched in heat swirling with seduction as he rubbed my tummy side to side in a gentle motion. I couldn't deny the sexual attraction I felt towards him any longer. My desire for him to consume my body and soul, was overriding my moral judgement. Wether it was right or wrong, I was ready to be engulfed by his inferno.

"I feel like I'm not luckiest brother in the world."

My heart sank when he saud that, because for one short, sweet moment, I believed that he was feeling what _I_ was feeling. Well, I was wrong.

He had me turned on that it was starting to hurt inside. My body craved his touch in places that made my cheeks flush in heat. If only he'd move his hand up an inch more, then it would land directly on my breast.

_Oh god, why was I even thinking theses things?_

Did he desire me too? Was this his way of trying to touch me and be close to me, but in a safe sense? Maybe the alcohol was getting to his head. Was that the reason he downed all that liquor so quickly? So he could do _this _with me? No, I was pretty sure it was my own sick mind.

"Jace..."

"Yes baby girl?" His voice was relaxed and deep.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Okay, what the hell kind of topic was that to discuss? _Nice one, Clary._

I'm sure he felt awkward and my question made me feel super shy all of a sudden as I turned away from him, snuggling against his body so he would spoon me again.

"I've never experienced love at first sight, though I can't say the same about the number of women who have laid eyes on me." He chuckled a bit and I laughed.

"That's cocky of you to say."

"It's usually always been lust at first sight for me."

I shivered when he said _lust._

"What about when you met your wife?" I couldn't help but feel jealous.

"I was attracted to Kaelie when I met her, but I wouldn't say that it was love at first sight. I believe that it takes time for love to grow between two people."

Is that what was growing between us? Love? And if you could call it love, what kind of love was it? How was he able to control my emotions so much with just one look?

"Why do you ask, princess? Is there someone you're in _love _with?"

I shook my head.

"Come on, you can tell me. What's his name?"

I bit down on my lip and took a deep breath. "He's older than me." I could so imagine him knitting his brows together upon hearing this.

"How much older?" Jace didn't sound too pleased.

"Umm...about five years." Okay, so I lied. My brother was thirteen years older than me, but I swear if you placed us side by side, you would only think he was three or four years older than me.

"Where did you met him?"

I hesitated to go on. "It doesnt matter. It's just a dumb crush anyway. It's probably go away."

He kissed my shoulder and caresed my lower stomach.

"Sometimes even the smallest crush can be quite agonizing, because when you feel like you're in love, your whole world suddenly begins to revolve around that person 24/7, and as euphoric as the feeling is when you're around them, it can be heart breaking at the same time when they don't return your feelings or have no idea how you feel I'm not sure what your history is with this guy, but you're young, Clary. You should be dating a guy your age. I know I can't dictate to you to feel a certain way. Sometimes you might attach yourself to a person who's wrong for you in so many ways, but the heart can't help it. Can you tell me a bit about him?" his voice was gentle and soft, but I didn't want to open up. It was making me emotional for some reason.

"No, I'd rather just forget about it."

He seemed reluctant to let it go, but he eventually did and kssed my cheek. "I'm always here for you if you need to talk."

"Thank you." I murmered

"Don't mention it. You need to get some sleep though. You've got a school day tomorrow."

"Can you sleep next to me?" I turned around and faced him. His face was inches away from mine.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?" My lips curved upside down into a visible frown as he sat up and got off the bed.

"Because, Clary!" Jace's angry outburst just came out of know where. One minute he was sweet, gentle and affectionate, and the next minute he was explosive and mean. "I'm going to take a quick shower. Get some rest, goodnight." All the gentleness completely drained from his voice.

I had discovered that there were two bathrooms in the suite, but only the one bathroom had a shower stall, and that was in the master bath. He disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Tears filled my eyes as I sat there, feeling confused and rejected. What just happened?

oOo

I had no idea what time it was when I felt the edge of the mattress sink down to the side. The covers slowly pulled back as a warm body shifted in beside me, spooning me. The familiar smell of body wash and after shave delighted my sense of smell as I realized right away who it was that was holding me. It was impossible not to recognized that intoxicating scent.

Jace wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me in closest to his body, so that my back was pressed flush against his naked chest. My heart immediately began to accelarate when I felt his crotch rub up against me, and I was disappointed when he backed off a bit. I don't think he realized that I just had panties on at first. He kissed my shoulder and placed a gentle had on my hip.

"I'm sorry angel. I can't fall asleep knowing I hurt or upset you in anyway. It's just been a stressful day for me. So I apoligize for getting short tempered with you." He whispered softly in my ear. His confession only brought on the water works even more as I sniffled, feeling him each over to wipe my tears away with his thumb. I had no clue why I was crying. I wanted to turn and face him, but he held me in place.

"Don't turn around. Just Let me hold you."

And I obeyed him as he cuddled me as close as he possibly could, keeping his lower body away from touching me.

"Close your eyes, princess."

My deepest desires would have to wait before I could carry them out and put them into action. The last thing I wanted to do was anger him and make him leave again. It felt like there was a huge hole in my heart when Jace was far from me. Any kind of contact was better than none. These were my last thoughts before I closed my eyes, and surrendered to sleep.


End file.
